


An Extra String to Bow

by Sariau



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Balance (Podcast)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Don't Worry About It, Gonna kill Taako, He's gonna be fine, M/M, Multi, Poor Lup, Taako is fashionable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-01-07 00:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12222018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sariau/pseuds/Sariau
Summary: Istus knows something is wrong the moment before it happens. She feels it in the yarns she knits into the tapestry. There is one yarn in particular that slackens and goes limp, and she doesn’t have enough time to do anything- to prevent something colossal and catastrophic from happening- before it snaps,breaksbetween her fingers and needle.The Goddess of Fate looks down at her work. “That’s not going to be good.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bluemoodblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemoodblue/gifts).



> Many thanks to [Blue](blue-mood-blue.tumblr.com) for geeking out with me! Let's see eventually where the differences are! Go check out their tumblr page, you won't be disappointed!
> 
> And yes, the death scene is different from how I first posted it to tumblr. I liked this version better.

Taako hurts. It’s nothing new. What is new is the feeling of his veins solidifying beneath his skin. It’s coming from two slashes that feel like they are blistering the surrounding skin with their heat. From the back of his knee, cutting the tendons there. “Lup.” He gurgles, reaching out with a hand, wanting to help his twin as she struggles with forcing Cyrus and the gauntlet into the vault. He assists with a spell from The KrEbStAr.

With the task done, Taako focuses on stopping the bleeding. _Ha._ Not likely.

He watches Lup from the spot he had fallen to after Cyrus’s attack. He can see her turn pale as her hands rise up to her own throat. “Oh god, Taako.”

Taako doesn’t- **_fuckin' can’t with a slit throat_** \- shuffle closer with his hamstring cut. Cyrus was a tactical little fucker, bringing him down to the dwarf’s level before dealing a killing blow. Taako relishes that the asshole is screaming in agony as the Gauntlet burns him away with all of his family’s treasure.

Lup is kneeling in front of him, and maybe Taako lost a minute there between some blinking. Her front is covered in more red than he has seen in a long while, and it takes him a few deep breaths to realize that it was his own blood staining his sister. It takes him about that long to know that he is dying.

If this cycle doesn’t work out, he’ll be on the Starblaster, perfectly fine, and he can get Lup to tell him just what he missed and how they screwed up. If this cycle is the end… well…

Then he’ll be _dead_ dead.

And oh shit, Lup is right there, panicked, and he’s over here choking on his blood, and can’t get his tongue to work because the fucking poison has turned it stiff. He spurts and gurgles, trying to get a word out, and for all the languages he knows, there is not one that can say all he wants in the time he’s got left.

He wants to tell her not to cry (which he knows is bullshit, but he doesn’t deserve her tears). He wants to tell her to go straight to Barry, because the nerd will at least be able to curb Lup’s rage. He want’s to tell her to keep caring, because if she stops caring, the whole crew will go to shit. The whole _world_ will go to shit.

Instead, he lifts up his non-bloody hand, and holds it against Lup’s cheek. He uses the time left to take in her presence. The feeling of her skin in his hand, of her hair in his face, the sound of her voice, the heat at his side.

He wants to act like none of this is happening. Ignore for a little while that he’s about to beef it, and Lup is gonna be all Lichyy. He wants to ask about what they’re going to cook for dinner that night. He wants to gossip about Magnus’s sideburns, and all the theories for why it has stayed the same for a whole century. He wants to plan out their next prank on Merle. He wants to, but he can’t.

For those wondering, which one kills you faster: silverpoint or a slit throat? Well, Taako can’t answer it because he _just_ **_fuckin’_ ** _died_ , and he _wasn’t_ **_paying attention_** _!_

Good news, though! The stuff he grilled Barry about before they became liches turned out to be helpful. Who knew?

Taako checks himself out, finding that he looks like he does when he Blinks, and _boy howdy_ is he glad he doesn’t have his most recent injuries. It would suck if he had to walk around like a zombie reject everyday.

Then he looks around… and he is not in Kansas anymore. He’s definitely not in Wave Echo Cave anymore. He looks around and all he can see is white. Not like a perfect white. An off-white, creamy, eggshell white? The trees are white, the grass is white, those boulders over there are white. Closer inspection and his fashionable eye identifies this stuff as ivory.

He would whistle if he could. This shit’s impressive. And also really intimidating.

He adds the two together, and eight blinks (Taako gave up on math when the plane’s standard isn’t base ten, and guess what? _Base seven over here._ ) later, he comes to the conclusion that he knows how a forest of ivory came about.

Someone found his relic, and apparently wanted some tusks.

He suddenly has to bend forward and roll. He gets back to his feet to see some skeletor in a black robe and a scythe held loosely in a boney hand.

Oh great, these guys… Taako remembers having to deal with Reapers after his sister and Barry for their lichiness, and then having to defend himself when they turned their blades on him for dying and not staying dead.

He also knows that he has no clue how to handle a Reaper as a ghost. He can’t feel his magic. He can’t feel anything in the astral plane.

So… the question is: How does he get back to being corporeal? While dodging Reaper McScything?

* * *

So… Taako isn’t the best at anatomy. He really should have taken enough time to work on his new bod, but it was a bit hard when the Reaper was swiping at his head with a scythe that Taako would have been making jokes about compensation if he could.

He might have gotten some proportions wrong. Taako tilted his raised foot from side to side. At least he has articulated joints. And some awesome fashion.

Taako _might_ have spent more time on his clothes than his actual body. He doesn’t know what he would do if he didn’t have his wizard hat.

Make one, probably.

Taako continues to check his ivory golem self out now that he’s got the time. It was a little tricky to make the fabric when all he had was ivory that wanted to _stay_ ivory, but he found a work around. Ivory threads woven together into fabric of different patterns since it wanted to stay the same color, and he really didn’t have the time to be arguing against a semi-sentient material. He barely had enough to make the tassels at the bottom of his skirt.

Shame he doesn’t have enough skill to fully capture his face, so he had to go with a blank slate.

The sound of struggling turns his attention to a writhing mass of black tentacles, and Taako can spot the skeleton Reaper trying to get out of his spell’s grasp.

Good luck with that.

He gets up on killer heels that are his actual feet, twiddles his articulated fingers at the Reaper who is not nearly as threatening with a porno scene wrapping him up.

“See you thug!” He calls as he figures out the walking thing on legs that are a bit too long while also nailing it. Taako has to find his way back to Wave Echo Cave, and if Lup isn’t there, he’ll see about tracking down the flightpath of the Starblaster.

Taako gets about half a day before Reaper-Man tracks him down, right as he spots a bit of camplight between trees. And he still can’t feel anything.

Can’t feel the wind, can’t feel the force he uses to walk. He has been moving all day, and he hasn’t felt tired, sweaty, hungry, or thirsty. He hasn’t felt cold, or hot, or if the air is muggy with humidity. He can’t feel the texture of the bark as he brushed his ivory hands over the surface of a passing tree. He can’t feel his own clothes against his skin.

So Taako hasn’t been having a good day. He’s grouchy, and then Reaper dude shows up, and Taako would grin if he still had a face. Because someone is about to become stress relief.

Reapers are never as prepared as they seem to think when they come charging with their blades bared.

The following battle scares the campers away, or that was some bait the Reaper used to lure him closer. Either way, He still has no clue where he is, and he kinda needs a bit more info on his destination to teleport somewhere without not messing up.

Especially if he might confuse his finish line with somewhere that only exists in another planar system.

That hadn’t been a good cycle for Taako.

So Taako rinses the Reaper with a couple low level spells maxed out on power, and takes off before actually killing the boy and his terribly fake accent. Because he learned the first time he did that, that the Gods of Death don’t appreciate their agents getting killed, and would go and solve that problem themselves.

Nobody wants to have a face off with somebody who can bring your soul to the afterlife with a twitch of a finger. Especially not Taako.

So he leaves the Reaper hanging from a branch by some conjured goo in psychedelic colors. Who is spewing threats with that laughable accent. So he laughs as he heads out.

* * *

Kravitz has been having a bad day. He is usually very good at his job of reaping unruly souls and unlawful necromancers, but this one soul in particular with nine deaths to his name, and a preference to using spells in ways that give him whiplash.

This case a bit more literal than usual. If he had been more than bones, one of those inky black tendrils would have twisted his head off faster than a bottle of cheap champagne. “See ya, Loser! I’m going shopping!” His assignment and target gives a half-assed salute and Blinks away. Leaving Kravitz in the middle of twenty square feet of Evard’s Black Tentacles.

You’d think that he would have learned to dodge the spell that has been cast on him at least once every day for the last three days, but you’d be wrong. Especially when it concerns one Taako Taaco. Who has turned his charm into a distracting and very viable weapon when used in conjunction with his unorthodox spell list. Even while being made entirely out of ivory, from pointy floppy hat to his mannequin-like face.

Really. Somehow turning into a giant prehistoric reptile (that was still ivory, and Kravitz would be seriously considering _why_ after this job is done) gave the wizard enough time to vanish into the following chaos on the second day.

Kravitz waits the spell out, and less than a minute later, he is standing upright, and straightening out his robes with a boney hand.

He is getting a headache.

Kravitz swings his scythe in the air, tearing a portal into existence, and stepping through into an ally. A quick check shows he is alone, and he changes into something that won't scare a town into having a collective heart attack. The Raven Queen had **words** with him after that first time.

He suddenly feels the weight of his hair pulling at his scalp, can feel the humidity on his skin. Kravitz purses his lips, and they feel a bit chapped- like always. He feels the sting from his eyes, and he remembers to blink.

It's been a while since he was last in this form. Maybe a century? The years tend to fly by when he is immortal.

But he _really_ needs a drink.

* * *

Fuckin’ _finally!_ A city! Taako thought he was going to be lost in that forest until the Hunger finds them. He casts  Alter Self, and makes his way towards the first building that’s open. At least his magic remembers how he looks, and the ivory isn’t making as much of a fuss.

At this time of night, that leaves the tavern.

Taako slips through the door, and makes his way to the bartender for his info.

Then quickly makes a course correction. Because there is a hunk getting smashed at a table in a dark corner. And he is gorgeous. Like holy shit? His Hunk-O-Meter is maxed out on this handsome fella. Lup would forgive him for the delay. She’d be fighting him for the dude if she wasn’t already with Barry.

So he picks a few pockets on his way to Handsome, and signals the bartender for a round for him and the dude he just sat across from. Who stares at him with a dropped jaw, but Taako is used to that reaction.

He goes for full-out charm, and pulls out his prettiest smile. He reaches across the table, and closes the man’s mouth for him. He takes in the eye-candy for a little while, then introduces himself.

“Hey Handsome, can I get a name? I’m Taako.” He flutters his eyelashes and perches his head on an open palm.

“Kravitz.” Is the brief response. Taako sees him give himself a little shake. “Taako, you said?” _Sweet._ Taako’s got some interest!

The bartender shows up with two glasses of wine, and Taako trades for them with his ill-gotten gold. “That’s right, homie. Have you heard of me?”

Kravitz takes a sip of his wine. “I read your name in a book.”

Taako partakes in his own drink, and he wonders about that. “Must be an interesting book then.”

Kravitz stretches his hand over the table, hiding his fingers from the rest of the room behind a candle as they turn to bone. “Yes, I would say so.” Taako doesn’t let himself freeze.

Because Handsome is still a catch that Taako intends to bone- and _man,_  Taako is going to make all of those jokes. But at the same time, Kravitz is after his soul, and Taako still has things to do. He wouldn’t be having nearly as much of a dilemma if he had access to his magic when he’s got no bod. If that was the case, he could just cast Plane Shift, and be out of there, likkity split.

Taako breaks his contemplative staring of his drink to see the Reaper watching him carefully.

On the other hand, Taako is pretty sure he can find a way back to the material plane inside of three months. Hopefully Lup wouldn’t kill him into nonexistence for the delay.

A quick message to tell her that he’s not dead… to tell her that he’s not gone, yeah. That should do it.

‘Cause this man is _way_ too handsome to let go.

“You know,” He says blithely, swirling the wine in its glass. Kravitz tenses, and Taako notes that one of the guy’s hands is holding something invisible. “You really should have started out looking like that if you wanted me to go with you.”

Kravitz is staring at him with a dropped jaw again, and Taako smirks over the rim of his glass.

* * *

After a bit of sightseeing, and many reapplications of Alter Self, Kravitz makes a show of tearing a rip into the air. It’s all really fancy, and Taako has to wonder if he would have gotten such nice treatment if he hadn’t proved to be so slippery.

Taako walks through the portal, hooking his arm with Kravits as he passes by, and then he’s standing in the entrance to the Great Stockade. The doors creek closed, and it’s strangely still here. Like a garden of statues still.

Except for the two massive forms making their way down the final flight of stairs. And they are definitely good at the understated dramatics, because these two are sending chills up his meta-physical skin.

He definitely nails the black raven looking lady wrapped in a ginormous scarf as the Goddess of Death, but he's caught between life and light for the Gigantress in a light flowy dress.

Taako approves of both their fashion choices.

The light flowy Goddess lights up with a smile when she looks across the entrance hall and meets his eyes. “Ah, good. You’re here!” She waves Kravitz over to the Death Goddess. (Taako has a feeling her name is the Raven Queen that Kravitz was talking about when he had a bit too much to drink. Krav makes such a cute drunk.) The Reaper looks a bit confused, but does as he was silently ordered, and Taako’s ears twitch as he barely hears his name from near the stairs.

“I have a deal to offer you.” The light Goddess says. “And I am sorry, but you’ll need to make your choice soon.” She leads him back out of the fortress, and she settles down to stare out at the still ocean. “You weren’t supposed to die.” She admits with a flash of a guilty smile. “I can’t do much to change that, but you are a big piece in the coming years. So Taako,” she turns to face him, and it’s getting kinda awkward not knowing her name. “Will you become my emissary?”

Taako already knows he’s gonna say yes. Since he'd probably get stuck doing jail time otherwise. “I have a question before I answer.” The Goddess nods encouragingly. Taako has to just to say it. There’s no way that he can make it sound any better. He still stutters and has a few false starts. “Uh, uh, uh.. That is to say- Who are you?”

The Goddess laughs, and it’s one of those deep belly laughs, and Taako thinks that he’s not gonna get smited. Always a good thing in Taako's books. She smiles at him. “I am Istus. Goddess of Fate. Would you like to be my emissary?”

Taako grins back. “Sure. Let’s do it!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some bonding time before we get into the meat of things!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit on the short side, but i'm writing this in between classes and editing videos. Later chapters will hopefully be a bit longer.

Becoming Fate’s emissary turns out to be mostly knitting. Taako doesn’t know how to deal with this. Except for sneaking away with Istus’s amazing clothes. She’s got some serious skill with those needles. So he figures just chilling with her would be enough.

He relaxes with her in her domain that is mostly her one long scarf that is recording all of this plane’s history stretching and circling everything. It’s strangely comfortable to snooze on. Not like he needs to sleep or even meditate anymore. But the observation should be made.

Taako sometimes tries to figure out how to read it. Tries to figure out where the pattern is in the mishmash of color and tricky patterning. He thinks he has a spark of a breakthrough, but trying to apply it to somewhere further on the weave proves what he thought was a translation to be nonsense. He doesn’t get it in the spare time he has in the first year, and it _stings_. ‘Cha-boi can nail languages into fluency in a few months, but he can’t figure out this infinite length of scarf.

Of course, that’s not all that he does in that first year as an emissary of Fate. He usually goes as a fashion mannequin made of ivory, showing off all the knitted and crocheted goods that Istus gives him, and feeling fabulous. He gets sent all over to Istus’s followers to help or instruct them towards some solution that will give the best result. He just tells the magic users how they’re doing a magic thing wrong, and bribes everyone else to do what he says with his cooking. It works out to the same result, even though Istus says that’s not how he’s supposed to do it.

He notices that Faerun goes a bit funky a few months after his death, and he has no clue how all the fighting over the relics ended, but he’s glad. It makes dragging Kravitz off for a bit of business and pleasure that much easier.

Taako eventually asks Istus about the change, and she shrugs without answering. Which means it has to do with his own future. Taako gets a bit of predictive abilities with his job, making dealing with all those material plane followers so much easier with a cheat sheet, but he can’t get even a glimpse of his own future. Or anything that includes the people he cares about. And Kravitz.

He's also sent out to make deals with people on Death’s door, or rather, make deals with Kravitz for the people’s continued existence. Because this or that fuck comes up with the cure to the common cold, or makes a speech that inspires all that hear it to do something amazing. Krav isn't all that pleased that his job is being interrupted, but Taako makes it up to him with interesting dates and nights in.

And, _boy_ , are those nights in wondrous.

Once, when Taako is laying out the possibilities to a dude that looks like something crawled into his mouth and died, the guy gets a lucky shot in before Taako makes a quick getaway. His material golem form lost a foot before he escapes and it takes weeks until his mind is done telling him with phantom pains that he's _missing a foot! Sit ‘cho ass down!_ The new leader of Ravensroost totally deserves what's coming to him a few years down the line.

Taako avoids walking much, not too much of a hardship, and fakes that he’s okay when he absolutely has to. Istus calls him on his stilted walking, and Taako knows that she cares about his well being, and he expected some surface caring.

But she actually cares. Taako hasn’t had to deal with another person getting close since realizing that he wasn’t likely to go back to his home plane, and stuck dealing with five new people. And Taako has never had to interact with anyone without Lup as emergency backup.

So he’s lost, and confused at all this care that Istus is giving him. Fluffing him up on a bundle of recorded history, and an order to stay off that leg, and “Do you want anything in particular? I’ve already sent a message to Mishakal. She should be here within a day. Do you want to learn how to knit while we wait?”

Taako can tell that she’s sincere, and he doesn’t know why. He’s going to help with some task in a couple years that’ll save the universe (probably defeat the Hunger, which is nice to know), but the Goddess of Fate doesn’t have to go through this much work to make sure Taako is able to do the job he has to do.

He thinks she might even care.

Taako shakes his head, in his own hidy hole when he finally escaped. Nah. Who’d actually care about an acerbic elf with trust issues?

Then his hiding spot is ruined by another godly entity unwrapping him from his hanging cocoon. It’s not Istus, at least. They stare at the other for a moment, and the Goddess giving him an unimpressed eye taps at his leg before walking off. Taako realizes later, after finally flopping out of his cocoon hammock, that his leg feels fine. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling. So he cooks.

Taako wanders off to a conjured kitchen, and rolls up the sleeves of his fashionable cable-knit sweater to get down to business. He takes a bit of a backseat in his own head, and lets his mind turn thoughts over and move freely from one thing to another.

At the end, and who knows really how time passes in the outer planes, Taako resurfaces with a roasted chicken that his aunt would be proud of, and still no conclusion to how he feels.

So he takes his hard work over to where Istus is chillin’, and starts munching on a drumstick. Taako doesn’t act like he’s watching her from the corner of his eye. Like he’s not aware of how she glances from him to the platter laid out between them, or the pleased look he gets when she finally reaches out for a portion for herself.

The next time he goes back to the conjured kitchen, there is a new hook on the fake wall next to the fantasy refrigerator. On the hook is an apron. A _knitted_ apron, with chicken drumsticks and spatulas and wizard hats knitted on a garish yellow background.

Taako loves it, and wears it every time he cooks.

* * *

Taako is sick and tired of trying to figure out the history scarf Istus powers through on his own. So he’s going to get help from the source.

Without her knowing, of course.

So Taako plops down next to his patron with his own needles and a bundle of yarns in a variety of colors, and asks her to teach him how to knit.

Istus chuckles, and takes the time to patiently run him through the basics until he’s knitting the beginnings of a wobbly scarf (only one color, and none of the really intricate stuff, only knit and purl) inching its way down over his lap.

When he comes to the end of his ball of yarn, Taako doesn’t feel very proud of his work. There are mistakes, and his lines are uneven, and the ends curl inward. Pitiful in comparison to the work still going from Istus’s needles. But she instructs him on how to finish his final line of knitting with a smile that is sweet and mild as milk.

His scarf comes off his needle easily, and Istus asks to see it. Taako doesn’t really see the point. He’s just going to go to the plane of fire and dump it into a pit of lava at his next trip there.

She sets her own needles aside to hold his little thing, and raises it up to look at every imperfection, and Taako wouldn’t mind if the world swallowed him up so he doesn’t have to be here. But then she turns to him with such a proud smile, and points out where he did so well, and she is really impressed with his work.

“Are you sure this is your first time knitting?” She asks with bright eyes.

Taako floats away with a glowing and warm feeling in his chest without his scarf. Because Istus had asked if she could keep his work, and she had held it close like she was afraid that he would demand it back. Like it was valuable.

It becomes a thing that they do. Taako showing up with needles and yarn, and Istus would teach him new techniques. His scarves (and every other article of clothing) never did improve in his eyes, but Istus still asked for them at the end with a delighted and proud glint in her eyes.

He has even seen her wearing some of his creations out and about, and that glowy warm feeling shows back up again.

He doesn’t figure out how to crack the code of Istus’s history scarf, but there isn’t as much of a sting now.

Because he’s got his own pattern, and he knits it out on his own scarf. About his own travels, and every year that he can remember. How there was a streak of red in every row from the very beginning. How the beginning was a bit of a mess with confusing mishmash of multiple stitches. How it smooths out with a short cable stitch and the appearance of six colors. One color for each of his crewmates, and one for the Hunger. Taako cables the scarf at the beginning of every cycle, and ends it with a row of black yarn. Maybe two rows if the Hunger managed to consume the plane. Some places it is close together and bunched up with frills, while others is spacious and open. It’s only open and loose like a parka nine times.

It gets pretty long. He didn’t know that it had been that long. That Taako is that old.

It’s busy, and doesn’t makes sense if he didn’t know what each stitch means, and isn’t that pleasing to the eye because of it. Taako is proud of his work anyways.

He slings it over his shoulders a few times when it is finished, and Istus is gleeful when she sees it. Taako does a little spin for her before flouncing off for Date Night with Kravitz.

Who blinks a bit, but doesn’t comment on the substandard knitwear compared to all the other clothes that Istus makes for him. Taako can’t wait for him to burst with tension and give in to ask him about it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally starting to get into things, ladies, gentlemen, and other assorted non-binaries!
> 
> I admit that this is not the chapter I had planned on finishing today, sorry Kiss Kiss, you will have to wait another day!

Taako may not be the brightest of the bunch- actually, _fuck that shit_ **_sideways_ ** Taako is the best wizard out there!

So Taako takes notice on one of his Material Plane runs that there are two moons in the night sky. He could have sworn there was only one, and asking about it ended in nothing but dead ends.

But he _knows_ there was only one moon when he came in with the rest of his squad.

Taako makes a quick call to Istus, letting her know that he’s going on vacation for the next week.

Taako watches Istus sigh through the little pocket mirror sitting pretty on his palm of ivory. He knows that sigh.

That sigh means he’s going to get his way.

He’s glad he doesn’t have a face to make that victorious smug face that Lup used to smack the back of his head for.

Taako may not be a Reaper, but he’s got a way to travel in style. Which is, if he does say so himself, _awesome_.

Istus vanishes from his mirror, and Taako does the reverse of “pulling the rabbit out of a hat” trick through the surface of his little mirror, with it inverting as it follows after him. He finds himself on the fake moon, and he knows for sure it is a fake moon since Taako is looking at multiple domes and a neatly trimmed pavilion connecting them. And there’s people milling about. It’s a bit dulled to his senses since he’s in the Astral Plane, so he wanders to an out of the way spot to hop back to the Material Plane. Still no sign of the Hunger’s critters, so their plan is still working. Always a good thing!

Taako draws an oval in the air with the tip of his finger, and the shape solidifies into something reflective. He checks himself over, fixes his hat in the reflection, and then realizes that maybe this isn’t the best look for information gathering.

So he snaps his fingers, and he’s suddenly some random thug with the bracer he spotted everyone wearing on his arm. Built like he’s more of a fighter than a thinker, and entirely forgettable.

Then he walks through.

First thing he does is figure out what the bracers do, because if these things have ID’s on them, this would be a quick trip. But nope. Just sends the user’s location and retrieves the elevator.

Taako rolls his eyes at the simplicity of the thing, and magics the elevator to come to his floor. He’ll stick with the band of metal without any of the accessories.

There’s a dudebro that looks pretty depressed in the elevator already. Taako shrugs to himself, and joins the depressed dude. Probably a bard or something, judging by the old looking violin case strapped to the guy’s back.

“Any reason you’re heading to the Voidfish’s chamber?” The guy asks, and man, he even talks like he’s considering ending it all.

“Didn’t know I needed one.” Taako responds blithely with a shrug and without his New Elfington accent. Whatever a Voidfish was, he could _hear_ the capitalization, so something important. And something he should check out.

“Guess not.” The maybe-bard says, the downer. “Who are you, by the way?”

Taako, ever the performer, lays a hand over his chest, acting hurt. Then he cheats like nobody’s business and looks for the guy’s name with the perks he got for signing on as Istus’s emissary. “Johann, for the final time, _I’m_ _Justin_. I know I’m forgettable and all, but you could at least _pretend_ to recognize me.”

The downer dude, Johann, actually looks a bit embarrassed, scratches the back of his head. “Man, sorry.”

Taako shrugs an armored shoulder. “It’s cool. I’m used to it.” He is the coolest cucumber, and there’s no actual reason to get upset, so he’ll let it slide.

“Then I guess you’re just fine working with the Bureau. I’m not so sure anymore.” Taako hums encouragingly, but doesn’t interrupt. “What’s the point of being the best musician in the world when all of my work is being forgotten?” He totally called it: Bard.

Taako could answer that question literally. He could say that there would be a different musician out there who would be the best, just not as good as the actual best musician out there. But he doesn’t.

Because there’s something he can see coming up in a few years through Johann’s future. Just the edge of something, just the light of blue and green, and the faint sound of song. It feels important.

“I think,” Taako pauses to figure out the best way to phrase it. Free will is still a thing, and he doesn’t want to scare the bard off this best case scenario. “You think that you’re being forgotten, but maybe that won’t always be the case.”

His smile might be a little too knowing for a rando who doesn’t do the thinking thing, but he really can’t help that.

The elevator door slides open, and he joins Johann down the hallways lined with guards. And beyond that hallway…

Is Fischer.

Taako doesn’t let his step falter, and acts like this is exactly what he came down to look at.

Fischer is bigger, ginormous. Someone’s been feeding the thing ‘roids or something.

‘Justin’ takes a seat in front of the tank, and watches the starry night jellyfish bob around the tank. It’s why he came down, and it would be strange if he leaves right away.

Johann rolls up a long piece of parchment paper, and loads it into a chute in Fischer’s tank. It gets shot into the fluid inside, and Fischer’s tendrils wrap around it, and it starts dissolving. The bard sighs as they both watch. “Another day, another masterful creation lost.” Then he packs up his things and leaves with a, “See you, Justin.”

Taako waves. But his mind is on other things.

The epiphany that Fischer is deleting stuff like the lights of creations did on their home plane. Except only some people are remembering it.

At least that explains how the wars over the Relics ended so abruptly. And the second moon.

Taako sighs, rubbing his forehead.

He needs to find the others.

So he gets up after an hour of planning that he knows will be thrown out the window at the slightest breeze, and starts wandering the moonbase.

And he does. Kind of.

He spots Davenport across the quad. He would recognize that handlebar mustache anywhere. And Dav’s wearing something like a butler’s uniform. Which, okay, to each their own and all that. But he’s following after an aged up Lucretia who has this gravitas about her, and she’s _rockin’ it!_

He knows that humans age fast, he was reminded just how much the humans changed in a year every cycle. Taako is pretty sure they don’t get old that fast though.

So there are two options: Crazy parallel universe has different incarnations of the IPRE crew, and have taken Fischer to make everyone forget for one reason or another. _OR_ Taako missed out on a bunch being dead for almost a decade.

Taako investigates for another two days, trying to disprove one theory or the other, before he throws his hands in the air, and decides to see what he can manage turf-side.

His week-long vacation ends with no headway, and he grumpily makes his way back to Istus’s domain.

He mopes for two months before he gets his shit back together.

* * *

A lead drops right into his lap. He is visiting an orchard to trade some information of the upcoming seasons for a couple dozen barrels of apple cider.

Taako’s looking into the future when he notices the daughter to the couple coming into the house, and his sight skips tracks to see a fleshy Barry knocking one back at a bar in the distance, to the iconic black glass that Lup’s relic makes, to pink crystal climbing up sheels of steel, to blurry movements against something dark.

He would have blinked if he had a bod. Huh. Go figure he finds his way back to his mob when he isn’t trying.

Actually, that smells a bit like Istus is maneuvering him again. Eh, whatever, it ends well when she does it anyways.

Taako finishes up the deal, magics the booze next to Istus, and sets to follow gnome girl for a while.

* * *

Taako doesn’t have the time to follow gnome girl. Actually, that is false. Taako doesn’t have the _patience_ to follow around gnome girl.

So he takes a shortcut.

“Hey Istus?” He calls into his mirror. He’s floating high in the sky, and pretending the plots of land are patchwork on a quilt. He wouldn’t put it past Istus to not have a recreation somewhere.

The Goddess of Fate swirls into a clear picture on his compact mirror. She’s knitting, like she always is. “Yes? Did you rip your cardigan again?”

Taako blushes and flusters an answer. “What? No! That was _one time_!” Istus laughs in that way that he knows that she’s not laughing at him, but finds his reaction amusing nonetheless. He coughs into his free hand. “Anyway, I want to do that cool _“I’ve been waiting for you.”_ schtick, but I don’t have access to the guy’s fate-path things.

Istus gives him a look that is asking him to cut through the bullshit. “You want to do that to your necromancer friend. The lich one that’s not your sister.”

Taako shrugs. “Well yeah, I can’t track down Lup when she doesn’t want me to follow. We know each other too well. Barry’s easier, and I _did_ find him, and I will if I have to. Just don’t want to go through all that effort.”

Istus hums, and he hums back. There’s a bit of silence until Istus grins through the little round mirror. “Sure, I can hook you up with a time and location. Bring me a souvenir when you’re done. You’ll know what it is when you find it.” And then she hangs up without any of those pleasantries she hemmed and clucked him into doing on a regular basis.

So he huffs, pocketing the mirror after winking at his reflection. “Rude.”

A portal opens up in front of him, and he doesn’t hesitate stepping through.

Taako steps out directly into the Material Plane. And gets the heebiejeebies right off. There’s a map of Faerun with pins and strings and pictures and angry X’s all over. It looks like a paranoid theorist’s wet dream. Not including the weird green pod thing in the farthest wall from the entrance of the cave.

There’s a crate he goes through, and he finds nothing but plain white t-shirts, blue jeans, and those tasteless rations that Lup abhorred but Barry ate when he couldn’t pry himself away from the lab.

Yup, this is definitely Barry’s place.

He conjures some knitting supplies, maybe he’ll try his hand at a satchel this time, and floats himself up near the ceiling. It’s a bit jagged up here with some stalactites working their way down, but there’s plenty of space to creep.

Taako is a slow knitter, always having to go back and undo a row because he forgot to alternate between knit and purl, or somehow doing one stitch wrong in the middle and not catching it until five rows later, and it’s an insult to his pride that it exists. So, yeah, Taako is a slow knitter.

He still manages to knit a good twenty satchels before Lich Barry storms into the little cave in a rage.

“You know, I thought you’d still be fleshy when you would finally show up.” Taako says, dropping his latest work on the lich’s incorporeal form. Of course it falls through to the ground, but he’s not that great at knitting anyways.

The opening in the red hood where barry’s face should be snaps up. “Taako?” The voice is small, and so fragile. Taako feels like he could cup the words, and crush them if he’s not careful.

Great… He’s gone soft.

“You’re alive?”

Taako snorts, landing lightly on the ground, and shifting his beast of a scarf to settle better on his shoulders. “I can see where you could be confused, but no. I beefed it ages ago. I tried to send a message to Lup, but she’s probably being pissy that I died, and ignoring me.” Taako lets his form change to his default ivory.

At least he figured out how to properly proportion his limbs and butt. _That_ had been trying times. Nothing and everything fit.

He pats the robe, or at least tries to. “Don’t worry about it, Barold.”

The lich form fizzles a bit around the edges. Barry curls forward, pulling the red robe close. “I found your bodies. I found her, Taako.” Barry has all of Taako’s attention. He fizzles more, and his shape is falling apart. Not good. “I found her, Taako, but she wasn’t there.”

_Not good. Not good. Not good. Not good. Not good. Not good._

Taako probably wouldn’t have known what to do before he died. He would have thrust Lup at him to stop all of this, but there isn’t Lup anymore (and he’ll crash and burn later, once Barry is back together). But he has a good surrogate that is a good stand-in mom.

Hopefully, this is the souvenir she was asking for.

He opens up a portal with the motion of flicking open his mirror, and they both swirl into Istus’s domain.

Like she knew they were coming- and let’s be real here, she _totally_ did- Istus instantly works to settle his friend. Taako still isn’t that good at the emotion thing, so he sweeps off to the kitchen to make hot cocoa.

He returns to a cooing Istus, and Barry wrapped into a ball of knitted goods. He looks like he’s calmed down, and passes out the mugs of delicious, drinkable, chocolate. Istus gets the mug that says ‘#1 MOM’, Taako drinks from his (which says ‘have a nice day’, but has the middle finger standing high and proud on the bottom when he finishes his drink), and Barry gets ‘Science is like _magic_ , but real.’

Barry tries to say no to the hot cocoa, citing his lichness for not being able to hold or drink things. Taako rolls his eyes, and pushes the mug into the thug’s hands, which shuts him up nicely.

“So, You mind filling me in on what I’ve missed?” Taako asks, and very solemnly, Barry does so.

* * *

After coming to the conclusion that Barry’s life sucks, Taako leaves the poor guy in Istus’s capable hands to get back to work.

He hops back in every now and then to check on him, and of course Barry is studying the limits of Istus’s domain the week after his breakdown. He’s such a nerd.

And something obviously is going wrong when the Hunger shows up to give its one year warning. So they work together to come up with a plan for a solid two weeks. Mostly debating whether or not to let Lucretia keep the relics. Barry doesn’t like that much power going to a single person, even if Lucretia is resisting the thrall. Taako’s response it that Lucretia’s bubble would work if they used it on the Hunger. They eventually decide to keep one for themselves to make sure Lucy doesn’t do anything rash, and to follow after the rest of the crew to make sure they don’t end up killing themselves.

So Taako drops Barry off at his little hidey-hole, and he goes off to recon how to get through Lucretia’s defenses and get the rest of his mob inoculated by the second voidfish.

* * *

**_HOLY SHIT!?! HOW DID TAAKO MISS MAGNUS AND MERLE FACING OFF AGAINST OGRES?!?!?!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any preference to a different change in POV in the coming chapters? It's going to happen one way or the other, but does anyone want one to happen first? The choices are: Barry, Lucretia, and Merle. (With maaaayyyyybbbeee Davenport. he's a maybe.)


	4. EXTRA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry's side of things from Gundren up to somewhere in the middle of last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was intending on this being a short little thing to tag to the end of the next chapter when I finish it. Guess what? I have no self control! You all get an extra chapter of sadness because Barry has bad luck.
> 
> This is especially for [Dog_Star](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Dog_Star/pseuds/Dog_Star) because they mentioned this, and I couldn't get it out of my head.

>  I would love to know his POV on deceased friend drops in, drops knitting on your head and drags you off to be mothered by the goddess of fate.
> 
> [Dog_Star](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Dog_Star/pseuds/Dog_Star)-

Barry follows the coin’s orders. Listens to his own voice tell him facts that only he knows. Listens to his own voice tell him things that he doesn’t remember with careful words. His own voice tells him that he’s searching for something- someone- someones, and tells him that _that_ is the reason for the ache in his chest.

Barry follows the coin’s orders. He approaches Gundren Rockseeker at a bar. He listens to the Dwarf’s drunken ramblings of lost family treasure. He tells the Dwarf that he believes him. That the vault can surely be found.

Gundren stares at him solemnly for a few measuring moments, and he nods.

Barry is just glad he doesn’t have to go with plan B. The coin says he can cast magic, though it always comes out staticy when the voice tries to tell him what class of magic he specializes in, but he doesn't think he could follow the dwarf until the last second to pop up, cast  Charm Person on everyone involved, and look around for something the coin couldn’t explain.

So he takes the job Gundren offers to see the Dwarf to his goals. Barry gets into a lot of fights. Fighting in the forest against beasts and creatures. Fighting in bars against people Gundren ticked off. Fighting in the middle of town because Gundren led him back to somewhere the Dwarf burned too many bridges to return without conflict sparking.

He gets used to the more physical way of living, yearning for a time his coin distantly tells him of. When he was more of a thinker. When he used all of his intellect in new ways every year. But he says more with his actions nowadays.

And when they’re close- _so close_ \- Gundren hires extra help. If nothing else than to assist in carrying out the treasure at the end. Barry doesn’t buy it. Whatever the Dwarf is expecting at the end of this, and has carefully not mentioned it even when heavily inebriated, it’s going to be big.

Then things go tits up.

* * *

Barry wakes up to being held to the edge over a pit of lava by a goblin. It’s not a good start, but it isn’t the worst thing to awaken to. Especially compared to some of the tales the coin manages to parse out.

He has been fighting for a while, and he hasn’t had the best of days today. So he does a tricky little maneuver he has learned when he gets lifted by someone Gundren has pissed off. It has happened more times than he’d like to admit.

He rocks, grabbing at leather and pushing and shifting until his captor loses balance, and tips over. Away from the bubbling lava, thankfully. There’s a bit of grappling as he struggles with the goblin over a knife. He sees a bit of fighting near the entrance of the cavern, but he’s a bit more caught up with the Goblin he just pinned. He grins down viciously, because he also got the knife.

He stops before he slits the Goblin’s throat. Because of the face staring back at him. They’re terrified.

Barry looks away, holding the knife carefully to keep the Goblin from getting any ideas. There are two waiting for him on a lower platform, a Dwarf and a Human. Cleric and Fighter, if what he glanced of their fight just then. He stands up, gesturing for the Goblin to stay on the ground.

“You’re the two that Gundren hired then?” He asks as he approaches his crate to see what is left. Not as much as he wants. Damn, they took all his blue jeans. He’ll have to restock at the next town. At least they didn’t find his gold hidden in a secret compartment.

“Yeah, where’s my cousin?” The Dwarf demands, and Barry guesses Gundren hiring these two in particular makes sense.

Barry pulls out his remaining things, and there is a sound of scuffling, and a shout of warning from the Human. He was wishing the Goblin wouldn’t have been stupid.

He frowns as he watches them stagger back with the knife he just threw into their chest, and falls backwards into the pit of lava with a scream.

Why are some people so stupid?

Barry shakes his head at the loss. Then he answers the question posed to him. “I think I have a good idea.” And he waves the enchanted map in the air.

* * *

Barry follows after his boss into the next room with the other two adventurers, leaving the Orc woman to retrieve something from the pit. He takes an easy sweep of the room, sees two robed figures, one sitting, and the other laying next to them. He points it out to the rest of the group.

Gundren spares an eye, but he marches straight for the vault door. Merle and Magnus seem more interested, and he’s about to join them when, _“What did I_ **_just_ ** _say?”_ echoes back from the previous room.

Gundren grunts out a, “Go distract her.” to him, and he goes.

“Hey.” He says to the stormy looking Orc. “Killian, right? I’m Barry.”

She takes one hand against his chest (and it spans the length of his chest, yeesh, could Gunden stop getting him into all these situations?) and _slides_ him to the side. “Don’t care. We can talk after everyone leaves.”

Barry has to duck around her to get in her way again, and then he remembers that he actually has a question that might stall for time. “What’s with the static anyways? Does it only affect certain phrases, or is it broader than that?”

She looks at him, and he really would like to let her pass, but he can’t. “Yes.” She says and slides him again. There’s not that much hallway between the rooms, and hopefully he got Gundren enough time.

Sure enough, the door is open, and there’s a bit of an altercation over the gauntlet since it’s the only thing left in the vault, but it’s also the thing Killian wants everyone to leave alone.

Gundren ends it by pulling on the gauntlet and turning into a raging fireball.

Barry can guess the gauntlet is the thing he is supposed to be looking for.

As they race to get out of Wave Echo Cave, Barry notices the two red robed figures are gone. He thinks for a brief moment that that was important before his thoughts move onto other things.

Like how Merle has an umbrella now.

* * *

Barry dies in a blaze of fire.

Barry reforms to the sight of Merle and Magnus floating to the false moon.

Barry rages. The well is turned molten under the weight of his wild magic, and when the fog of anger lifts, he sees it cooling to match with the rest of the black glass.

Barry goes back to Wave Echo Cave, to the room just before the vault. He searches high and low for any trace of Lup or Taako, because they stick together, right? Lup, at least would leave him something else to tell him where she went.

There’s nothing. He can only hope that Lup didn’t lose control of her magic and fall apart with Taako’s death.

Barry has to think of something else, his form is fritzing at the edges.

Merle has Lup’s umbrella. Barry had seen it. If Lup was there, she would have given some kind of signal, right?

In the worst case scenario, Barry just has to hope this will not be the final cycle.

Barry sighs. He doesn’t have a head to ache, but he still feels it at the base of his skull.

Time to try again. Retreat, regroup, and gather more data.

* * *

Barry has to calm down. He knows he has to calm down, but he can’t bring himself to. If he loses the tenuous grip he has on his control, the tank in the back of his cave will break, and he’ll have to look for ways to repair it, or replace it.

He hopes he doesn’t have to get a replacement. Betting against that crazed Warlock was one of the worst experiences he has on this plane. He shivers at the memory.

Still. Now that most of the IPRE crew is all in one place, Barry should probably plan some way to get past the barrier Lucretia put up. If he- something falls through him, making a soft ‘ _whump_ ’ as it lands on hard packed dirt.

He glances down first. There’s a large knot of fuzzy yarn that may be a bag or something.

Then he looks up. And Taako, looking unchanged from how he remembers the Elf, is grinning down at him.

If he had a stomach, it would have dropped out of him right then. If he had a heart, it would be soaring.

“Taako? You’re alive?”

Taako is wearing that smile like he wears clothes. It’s the one Taako wears when he’s trying to make light of something. Barry wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference between this one and a true smile if he hadn’t spent the odd century in close quarters. But he can, and he already knows that he won’t like the answer.

“I can see where you could be confused, but no.” Taako twiddles his fingers, and it’s like rain on a window being wiped away, Taako’s body changes. His clothes (why all the knitted clothes?) and hat stay the same as his face goes flat. Not like an expression goes flat, Taako’s actual face levels out to a smooth curve. His skin, always changing in tone from one year to another, goes a light green under the light of the tank. “I beefed it ages ago. I tried to send a message to Lup, but she’s probably being pissy that I died, and ignoring me.”

But that means that Taako doesn’t know where Lup is either. He leans forward. He found Taako, surely Lup is- Lup will-

Barry feels something odd interfere with the magic where his head is. It’s hand-shaped. It’s something Taako has done to him before when he was too stressed. It’s the same shape, and he hears, “Don’t worry about it Barold.”

And the dam breaks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to shake up the timeline! Some fun times and some sad times are in this one. Also! Lucretia!

Taako still checks on Barry, because Istus asks about his friend, and he’s tired of those disappointed looks he gets when he shrugs a shoulder and says that he doesn’t know. And Barry needs to be low-key watched because he might look like a softie when he’s got his flesh and is a physical being, but he goes to some extreme lengths in the background when no one is paying attention.

And _Taako_ is saying that. The one time he isn’t around to supervise the thug, he comes up with the ceremony to become liches, and Lup wants to go along for the ride. Not to mention what else he’s done in the last decade.

Taako side-eyes the pod with something forming inside it’s green fluid. It’s small still, but Taako has a feeling he knows what’s inside.

They’re playing Yooker, and Barry is taking advantage of his lack of form and therefore all his tells _aren’t there_. The cheater.

So Barry’s winning, and then he mentions offhandedly, like an easy handout, just where his relic is. Then the little turd continues on to talk about the beasts in Felicity Wilds

It’s a round later that Taako actually realizes what Barry said, and he throws his cards to the table. (It’s a bad hand anyways.) “The _hell_ Barold! You could have mentioned that sooner!” Hadn’t they been planning on snatching one of the relics so Lucretia couldn’t get her hands on all of them? And Barry knows where one of them is. One that isn’t being actively hunted down by Lucretia’s Bureau? “Let’s go get it!”

Barry is following his pacing from the spot he’s floating next to the table. “Taako, you sure that’s a good idea? If we get stuck there, it’ll be bad news for everyone.”

Taako’s movements shift his scarf to teeter on the edge of slipping off his shoulder, and he shifts the monstrosity to settle back on his shoulders without really thinking about it. “You know what, you’re right.” Taako digs through his pockets, and Barry slumps in the time it takes to find his stone of farspeech.

Poor Barold. Still naive.

“Three adventurers is always better than two!” He says, and he makes his call before Barry has the chance to say no.

* * *

Kravitz is out hunting for his most recent target. Some recent necromancer that is proving to be tricky in tracking down. He’s going to have to do a lot of legwork to catch this one. He is on a lead, tracing the residual energy from the ritual to summon a soul to where they went.

He’s close. He can feel it in his- “Sup Krav! I’m gonna borrow you for a couple days, okay?”

The voice- Taako, obviously- says just before a portal opens up on his way, and swallows him whole before he even has the chance to slow down.

The portal dumps him out on hard packed earth, and he rolls to his feet with the remaining inertia. He’s already transformed to his ‘crowd friendly’ visage when he is upright again. “Taako.” He says, eyeing Fate’s emissary with a tired resignation, “We’ve talked about this. You can’t nab me out of the blue. I was working when you picked me up.”

Taako is shuffling a deck of tarot cards at a table. “ _You_ talked, _I_ was admiring that ass of yours.” And then Taako turns to someone that Kravitz **should** have noticed first. “Yeah, I know he’s a Reaper, but he’s cool. Well, he’s a stickler for rules, but he can be talked around.”

Kravitz is busy consulting his book, and he has to make a decision. Because this lich has one of the highest bounties he has ever seen. But apparently Taako is also on their side. If Taako is on the lich’s side, then Istus is too, and that makes this an interdepartmental negotiation.

Kravitz hates it when he has to do this with Istus’s emissaries. Especially Taako. He has some… interesting methods of debate.

Kravitz sighs. “So we’re going to be negotiating clemency for Sildar Hallwinter?”

Taako blinks at him blankly. “Who?”

In the corner, the red robed lich slowly raises their hand. Kravitz looks back and forth from the lich and Taako’s blank expression. And he counts down until explosion. 3… 2-

“What? _What the_ **_fuck?_ ** _WHAT THE FUCK BAROLD! YOU LIED TO ME THIS WHOLE TIME?!? I’VE KNOWN YOU FOR MORE THAN A CENTURY, AND THIS NEVER CAME UP AS SOMETHING IMPORTANT!?!_ **_WHAT THE FUCK!?!_ ** ”

Sildar Hallwinter splutters, and Kravitz watches (for future reference) the lich handle Taako. “It just stuck when I was a kid, okay? The other kids couldn’t pronounce my name, and it was the first thing that I said.” The lich pauses like he is thinking about something, the cowl of the robe tilting. “I never really liked grandpa Sildar anyways.”

Kravitz eyes Taako’s stationary ears. Is that a good sign or a bad sign? The lich doesn’t look worried, but who knows what isn’t being shown as a mass of soul and magic. Then a grin spreads across Taako’s face, and the lich leans away. Right. Bad sign, then. “I’m _soooo_ telling Lup!” He crows, bouncing around the table and leaving the deck of cards behind in a messy pile. He swings an arm over Kravitz’s shoulder, and the Reaper has to spit out a mouthful of scarf. “Anyways, if you try to take my broski away, I will tentacle you and then I’ll call your mom.”

Sildar Hallwinter throws his hands in the air, and turns so that he is not looking in their direction. “I don’t want to know.” The lich shouts into the corner.

Which, of course, prompts Taako to share how they first properly met. Kravitz doesn’t like how mischievous that grin is.

Kravitz sighs, interrupting for the moment. “Was there a reason you brought me here aside from interrupting my job?”

Taako cuts off his detailed explanation of how he left Kravitz hanging (literally). “Oh yeah. Wanna go to Wonderland? There’s some liches with some amazing fashion sense you can hunt down~!”

Kravitz weighs his options.

He sensibly chooses the path of least resistance.

* * *

“Why did you take me along as a third wheel on your date.” Barry states, not asks. He weaves the suffering into a swinging ax to slice a giant constructed log that would have slammed into Taako and the Reaper _-Krav?-_ and left them a smear on the ground. Instead, the log splits in half to either side of the fight, and dissipates into suffering again.

Taako, for his part, is heckling the two other liches and throwing the odd spell into the mix while Krav is in the thick of it, swinging a massive scythe through constructs and limbs with ease. It would have been disconcerting if he hasn’t lived with Magnus, who made it a habit of finding the strongest creature in any plane and demanding a fight. To the death if the Hunger is right there, and they hadn’t found the Light of Creation.

...

Wait, why are those mannequins without clothes?

Barry could have sworn that they had been wearing _something_ when they entered the dramatically lit room. He couldn’t say exactly what to save his un-life, but he is pretty sure they were dressed earlier.

> Elsewhere, on one of the outer planes, a large pile of stylish clothes (and a few that are a fashionable mesh between armor and cloth) drops out of one of Taako’s portals next to Istus in a heap as she knits the machinations of a heart-pounding race. She checks each angular garment, hums her approval of their design, folds them, and puts them away.

“You get them, Bonedaddy!” Taako calls from the background, flinging a spell that Barry is, unfortunately, familiar with. At least he knows the countermeasure.

Gravity inverts, and things start falling upwards. Including Barry, Krav, and the two opposing liches. Barry angles his form to get close enough to Krav to touch, and casts Fly. They both weave in the air to avoid the falling debris that are the mannequins, and then descend (ascend?) on the two liches caught at the border of Taako’s Reverse Gravity.

After the fight is all said and done with, Barry hands his relic to Taako, who’s got an arm hooked with Krav’s. “It was nice meeting you.” He says to the Reaper, and faces Taako, “I’ll go check on the others now. Catch up with you in a few days?”

The Reaper doesn’t sound very pleased. “Now hold on.” He says bristling (with a fake accent too. Taako nor Krav have explained, and Barry hasn’t questioned it), but Taako interrupts him. Barry pretends to miss how Taako presses more into Krav’s side.

“Sure thing. I’ll bring the cards.” Taako winks, and waves his fingers in good-bye.

Barry nods, catching himself before he could raise a hand to push up non-existent glasses, and teleports away.

* * *

Taako has seen a lot in his life, however long it’s been since he has blessed his presence to the rest of existence, but it’s been a while since he’s seen a still living head roll up to his feet. Which cycle was it? It was one of the earlier ones...

“You really beat those guys, huh?” The head asks. Taako takes a quick glance at Kravitz, who looks more yucked-out than he is. Oh good, not just him then. “Uh.” The head rolls over, and Taako gets a good look at the guy’s face. “Any clue what happens next?”

Taako, for one, is all about fairness. Unless it suits him. Then he’ll scam everyone to his bedazzled heart’s content. Still, Taako has an idea of what’s going to happen the moment the bell leaves the building, and that’s not fair to anyone involved. He shares a look with Kravitz, and it looks like his bud agrees with him. The Reaper also looks like he doesn’t have an idea.

Right. Plan B, then.

Taako calls his mom… _Istus! He calls_ **_Istus_** _!!_

The Goddess of Fate swirls into clarity on his mirror. And yup, she’s wearing one of the sets of clothes he sent back during the fight. Good to see she’s enjoying them. He explains the situation while Kravitz frees the rest of those trapped. There’s a good lot of them, and he’s glad he’s foisting this problem off on someone who’s good at this shit.

Taako is used to his friends and family losing bits or even dying, but it’s always temporary. Right now, to these people, the hand they had been dealt is very much permanent.

“Sure.” Istus says through the mirror with a pleasant smile. “Bring them over with that bell, and Raven Queen and I can have a crack at it.”

Taako bullies everyone through one of his portals, especially the ones that would be dead if it weren’t for the relic’s abilities. He escorts the bell straight to Istus, who directs him to the Raven Queen.

Who looks amazing in that grey exaggerated shawl. It also looks _really_ fluffy and comfy. He hands the Animus Bell over, and ducks back to the material plane to finally enjoy the rest of the day with his guy.

Everything from Wonderland ends up being reverted sometime in the wee hours of the next day.

* * *

Lucretia sighs in relief once Merle and Magnus leave her office. Today has been a roller coaster of tension and relief. She slumps in her chair a little too, very much ready for all the Relics to be collected so she could have her family back. The distance is necessary, but it hurts every time they do something familiar, and she has to fight back her natural response.

She can’t be Lucretia for them. Not yet.

“Davenport?” Lucretia straightens to see her captain back from seeing Merle and Magnus out. She smiles, hopefully something encouraging and not something Davenport can see through. Who knows what is still left in the Gnome’s head. She didn’t know where it went so wrong in redacting the information for her captain.

“I think I will be calling the work day early today.” She says as she stands, and it hurts to put so much weight into her knees, and her back aches under the straight line she forces herself to hold.

She is older, still younger than the years she has experienced, but older than her body should be. She doesn’t fight against it, or try to find a way to reverse what she gave up in Wonderland. Lucretia, at least some part of her, believes she deserves it. For what she has done to her family. For what she and her family have done to this world.

But to save everyone, to stop losing everything she knows every year, to keep those smiles on the faces she cares for, she would do anything.

Even if they hate her when she is done.

Lucretia fixes something simple for dinner, spending her time eating with one hand and writing with the other of the day’s events. Then she retires to her room. It feels small, cramped, with how many things fill the space.

Maps, carving knives, plants, books of all kinds ranging from recipes to physics to gun maintenance. Her bed is a mess of patchwork fabrics that all feel soft and smooth in different ways on her wrinkled skin.

Lucretia scoots into the middle of the bundle, and drifts away.

She dreams of the hugs she misses, and the grins of her loved ones.

When she wakes, it is slow. Lucretia stretches, and it is the best she has felt in years. She can hope that today will continue to be good. She worms her way out of bed, still half-asleep in her pajamas, and gets ready for the day.

Lucretia feels a bit floaty, like she is walking on clouds as she prepares breakfast, eats, and heads for her office. At least, until a shout down the hallway stops her.

“HOLY SHIT!” Carey, it must be, zooms around her in a quick inspection before grinning up at her. Up until that point, the Dragonborn had been nothing more than a blue and black blur. “You’re looking awesome today! Is that an illusion? A new potion?”

Lucretia has no clue what her regulator is on about. “Pardon?” She asks, and gets a mirror in her face in response.

And Lucretia is dumbfounded. She reaches up a hand to her cheek, to the corner of her eye where she had crow’s feet the night before. There should be discoloration and wrinkles, but there aren’t. She inspects her hands, and finds them, not quite youthful, but fuller than they were yesterday.

Lucretia looks like she did right after she escaped Wonderland. A decade ago.

“Boss?” Lucretia realizes that she was having this moment of revelation in the open, in the hallway where many of her employees were watching her with increasing worry. Carey in particular is trying to keep the traffic moving, to give her this moment of privacy, but is partially unsuccessful.

Lucretia takes a deep breath. She needs to be the Director. If she starts falling apart as their leader, then they will lose their confidence in her. She needs to be strong for a little while longer. Less than a year to go. She breathes out, and she is calm.

“I need a team of seekers to investigate the Felicity Wilds immediately. We might have just lost track of one of the Relics we have been keeping an eye on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I almost made a "feel it in his bones" joke with Kravitz. I think it's appropriate considering the upcoming holiday.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Thanks for your patience on this update. That said, this fucker is more than a third of the total word count. Enjoy!

Merle smiles as convincingly as he can as he regifts Johan’s Candlenights gift to the Director. He’s not really one for presents, so this is the best way to him to get through the holiday. He ends up with none of those gifts, and everyone else thinks he has given them a gift. The Director gives him a raised eyebrow, and he can tell he’s being called on his bullshit. He grins repentantly, and he can swear that she is hiding a smile somewhere at his antics.

He watches as Magnus stoops a bit to be the same height with the Director. He’s a bit big, and even with the Director’s sudden decrease in age (he is pretty sure humans can’t do that… Merle will have to keep an eye on Magnus.) she is shorter than him. Magnus grins that puppy grin and hands the Director a coupon for one free backrub.

Merle gets a glance at the square of paper, and he identifies the writing to belong to Magnus’s hand. Eugh, he doesn’t need to know. Sure, to each his own, but grossing out others is _his_ thing, and he would like to keep his opinion of Magnus as something close to innocent. For Pan’s sake, the boy is only… what, early fifties? That’s practically a baby!

“Magnus, this is the nightmare scenario.” The Director says with a deadpan, but Merle can see something like pain in her less-wrinkly face. He was married long enough to not comment on her sudden rejuvenation. Hekuba clocked him a big one with the cauldron whenever he got surprised by the signs of old age. Still, he has to turn away to hide his snickering.

And he spots the nerd brat following after one of the guards he remembers passing in the halls at some point or another. What was his name? Jerald? Blake? Yeah, something like that. Anyways, Blake is walking around with a tray of something that looks like cookies. He glances back to see Magnus trying to convince the Director to take the coupon, to the umbrella strapped to Magnus’s back.

He sticks his tongue at the umbrella before he heads over to Blake and his cookies. Dumb umbrella. It slammed him into every available surface just short of killing him when he first found it before giving up. Then continuing to do so every time he had a day off. He just couldn’t put up with that, and Magnus seemed so hyped about it that he handed it over after a few days. Magnus instantly became all buddy-buddy with the damn thing, since it hasn’t once tried to throw the human bodily into a wall. He’s pretty sure the human made a bed for it, and tucks the damn thing in every night.

At least it’s useful in a fight. The thing pitched in during their major battles (though not at all when they first got their asses handed to them by Sloan) ever since that murder on the Rockport Limited. He and Magnus mention it in passing during their reports to the Director, and it’s not that big of a deal to bring attention to it when it’s helping them out of a tight situation.

Anyways, cookies.

“Hey there Short Stack, care for a macaroon?” Blake asks when Merle is close enough, and the platter of cookies is lowered into reach. Angus peers around the guard, and it looks like the kid hasn’t been noticed following after him.

Merle looks between the platter and the kid, before reaching for a cookie. “Sure, thanks Blake.”

He sees the guard frown. The platter is lifted back up, and it’s held aloft like those fancy waiters do at Fantasy Olive Garden. Merle is sorely disappointed when his cookie crunches and dissolves in his mouth.

All sweets have been ruined for him forever.

Another is dangled in his face by thick fingers, and his eyes follow it hungrily. “Name’s Justin, darling. Say it with me now, _Jus-tin_.”

“Justin.” He repeats gamely, and gets the cookie dropped into his cupped hands for his effort. Then the guard turns away with his detective shadow following close behind.

He bites into the cookie as he joins Magnus at the edge of the party. Damn that’s some good cookie.

The Director, standing nearby and speaking hushed words into a stone of farspeech, suddenly yells, _“YOU DID WHAT?”_

* * *

Taako watches the preparations to send the two teams down to the crystalline Miller Labs from a distance, trying to decide when would be a good moment to sneak onto one of those boats. Merle and Magnus are being their trolling selves as they get kitted out by the artificer. Of course when they get the choice of color they pick some variation of red. They’ve got something still in them that remembers their time on the Starblaster. He smiles a bit, and looks over the design of their spacesuits.

He could do better.

Taako feels a pull on his clothes, and he looks down at the kid he’s been ignoring all night. He crouches. “What’s up, little man?” He asks lowly.

The kid blinks innocent large eyes magnified even larger by his glasses up at him. If Taako hadn’t used that trick with Lup when they were still brats, he probably would have fallen for it. “You’re not a member of the Bureau, are you?”

Taako smiles, smart kid. He waited until Taako was at the edge of attention, so they could have this little chat in private, but he could raise a stink if Taako reacted poorly. He doesn’t bat an eyelash as he responds. “I’m not. Well spotted.” The kid ducks his head, hiding a portion of his face hidden by the brim of his fancy boy cap. And Taako can’t tell if the movement is on purpose or a simple reaction to praise.

He glances over to see Merle and Magnus ready for dispatch, “I need to head out, kid. Gotta make sure those two don’t beef it.” The kid nods with crocodile tears in his eyes, and Taako rolls his eyes. “I’ll be back later, chill out with the waterworks.” He doesn’t pat the kid’s head, tempting as it is to mess up that neat hair. The kid nods, those tears quickly vanishing, and Taako joins the rest of the crowd to watch the two gondolas get sent off.

He sees the Regulators’ little boat lower to the break in the crystal, and he wiggles his fingers. A Gust of Wind lifts their boat a little too high to miss the opening. Taako smiles, and lets the confusion of the crowd obscure his disappearance.

He’s back in the ethereal plane, watching the two bozos work their way down the rope. Magnus, expectedly, climbs the rope like a pro. Just like how Taako is not surprised that Merle somehow manages to bitch about rope burn while wearing the gloves of his spacesuit. He rolls his eyes, and steps through the portal to the material plane.

And straight onto the pink tourmaline grass. But Taako’s already dead, and the form he’s got could change into vibrant pink crystal and he wouldn’t give a fuck.

So that happens.

It’s just his illusion is still up, so nothing visibly changes. Except that he recasts the spell to look like the most fabulous being with the best sense of fashion. So he looks like himself now, with his pointy wizard hat. Damn, does Taako love his magic.

Then his stone starts ringing, and he has to go digging through his many, many,  _many_ pockets. When he finally answers, he glances over to the boner squad to notice they’re staring at him. He doesn’t give a fuck that the looks he gets hold no recognition.

Nope! No Siree!

“You’re on the line with Fantasy Justin, go ahead!” He says, and is completely distracted from what Barry- Sildar- _what_ ** _ever_** \- is saying because the umbrella on Magnus’s back is slinging fire about like a flamethrower.

No. Not just an umbrella. An umbrastaff. _Lup’s_ umbrastaff.

Holy shit.

He just found Lup.

 _“TellIstusHappyCandlenightsforme,gottagobye!”_ And Taako dives for his sister.

“Woah! Hey! Back the fuck up!” Magnus yells, ducking and rolling around his attempts to snatch the umbrastaff. And when Taako starts flinging spells at it in order to break it, Maggie is very obviously against it. “Not cool!” He shouts with that stern coach voice. “Merle, back me up here!”

“I cast Zone of Truth!” Merle yells from the background.

“Not. _Helping._ ” Magnus leaps off of the circle forming around him. Taako tsks. He can’t use any of his cantrips since they’re so buffed they would probably kill Mags in an instant, so what else can he- Taako blinks. A smile forms on his face. He casts Charm Person with a flourish of his arm.

Magnus stills for half a beat before shaking his head, breaking free of the enchantment before it could take effect. _Damn._ “Why are you going after my umbra-buddy?” The protector demands. Then he gets a worried look to his face. “If something of yours suddenly caught fire, it was _definitely_ not us!”

“I’m doing it to free my sister!” Taako shouts back. He gets blank, distant looks in return, and he can’t deal with that right now. “Gimmie that fuckin’ clown prop!”

Even if Magnus doesn’t remember the century running from the Hunger together, he still somehow knows how to avoid Taako’s sticky fingers. Then again, Merle actually gets around to helping him, and Taako can’t use his more serious spells for fear of killing them.

“How are you not crystal, anyways?” Merle asks, using his position to physically separate them. He’s very obviously eyeing Taako and his lack of spacesuit and pink crystal.

“I _am_ crystal, just don’t look it.” Taako dismisses as he hurdles over the Dwarf’s head with some sweet flips. Magnus suddenly gets flung into a nearby wall, but manages to recover before Taako can get his hands on the umbrella. Taako would have laughed if this isn’t such a serious thing. “And I know.” Taako’s voice drops into a parody of Merle’s voice. _“I can’t be alive if my body’s made of crystal.”_ He rolls his eyes at Merle’s open mouth and affronted look. “I died, like, a decade ago.”

The umbrella in Mag’s hands puffs another ball of fire into the air. “Oh shut up.” Taako calls waspishly. “You’re the one who got **eaten by your own creation**!” He stops short when he hears something.

Taako looks around. The crystals are… ringing? It sounds like a song, and the other two have stopped to listen as well.

A ball of light shows up from a small tear in an open space. Oh.

The ball sings, and Taako knows that Krav had a dream of being a conductor, but he really could do better. He collects crystal for a body, and the boner squad have gotten closer. Because they’re both curious idiots right now. Like two dumb moths to a flame.

Kravitz takes a look at Magnus, then Merle (who starts quietly crying), and then stops on him.

He’s pretty sure that if a crystal golem could blink, Krav would be doing that right now. “Taako?” He says with that adorable work accent of his. The Reaper swings his head back to study the other two with steadily slumping shoulders. “Is this going to be another negotiation for clemency?”

Taako shrugs, well aware of the two disbelieving stares he’s getting to the back of his head. “We’re kinda in the middle of something, but sure. For all three of them.”

“Three?” Taako gestures to the umbrella in Magnus’s tight grip. Kravitz takes a long look, making a noise of understanding, before turning back to Taako. “Shall we start the negotiations, then?”

Taako sighs, rubbing at his forehead. “Yeah. We should probably get that out of the way. You thugs go on ahead, I’ll catch up with you later.” He waves them along to the airlock and watch them leave in confusion. He’s going to need to call Istus to get her support or most of his mob is going to get whisked off for the Eternal Stockade. Which means he’s going to call Barry, since the two are spending Candlenights together with a few other Gods and Goddesses.

Which means Barry is going to be an unstoppable force on his way to getting to Lup the moment he hears about it.

At least he’ll get some backup on his next attempt.

“Oh yeah.” Taako says as he turns to Kravitz. “If you still want to scare the crap out of them, feel free.” He grins.

Kravitz rubs at his crystallin chin. It makes a weird grinding noise that resonates a bit? “I suppose I can do that as I hunt my bounty…” The Reaper says with that lilting tone, and Taako doesn’t bother restraining the punch into the air.

* * *

Taako has to do a quick transmutation of his body back to basics before he can step out of the ethereal plane next to Merle and Magnus.

Aaaaaaaaand, he _might_ have gotten caught up a little bit as he follows after them into the _‘Wonderful World of Elevators.’_

Taako smothers his smirk into his hand at the ridiculous designs of Upsy, Your Lifting Friend and his archnemisis Downzo. He walks around the displays with increasing incredulity. Idly, the wizard is glad this Roman dude never got his head around escalators.

He ends up goofing off with the Boner Squad when this Lucas asshole tries to get them to clamber onto the dumb glass display to get in the elevator on top.

Yeah, Taako’s good out here, homie.

“Tell you what,” Taako says after Maggie hangs up the stone. He’s got his hands digging through his mass of knitted scarves, trying to find the extra-dimensional pocket he had to bribe one of the deities with a week-long buffet to let it slide under the laws of the universes. _"You_ two go through with the lame demo, and I’ll have drinks waiting for you when you come back.” He pauses. “Oh yeah, and be a dear and leave the umbrella behind.”

Magnus has already been hauled into the elevator by Merle with the door closing on his response. “Hell-”

Taako shrugs, making a victorious sound when his hand dips farther than the wrap of scarves would go. He roots around in there for a bit before just summoning the thing. He pulls out a Pop-Up Cabana **©** , a Taako Original. It doesn’t look all that impressive, layers of wires and fabric in a circle that fits in his outstretched hand. It could probably fit in a pocket…

Now _that’s_ an idea…

Taako tosses the Pop-up Cabana **©**  onto an empty space, and it bounces up before unfolding. It keeps unfolding. And more unfolding. What where thin wires are now sturdy wooden posts with a fabric canopy and a raised wooden deck. The drapes flutter dramatically down from all the movement.

He takes the steps easily, and lounges on one of the chaises. He hears a bit of a scuffle from the diorama, and he tilts his sunglasses up to get a better view of what’s happening.

Huh. The cockroach Merle hadn’t stepped on is giving them trouble. He should probably help.

Taako doesn’t move.

He hears high-pitched squeaking, and it makes his ears twitch in the miniature city’s direction.

Taako sighs explosively, grabbing his Strawberry Daiquiri from the wicker side table where two other drinks wait to be consumed. With his drink in hand, he saunters over to get that cockroach to fuck off to another dimension.

And Taako has never been a friend to the creepy crawlies. So he just sent the roach on an extended vacation to the elemental plane of fire. Cockroaches just don’t have the charisma to resist a Plane Shift. He turns on the ball of his foot to go back to lounging in his cabana as he waits for Dumb 1 and Dumb 2 to finish the elevator demo. He takes a sip of his drink, and it’s fuckin’ fantastic.

A minute and a half later, and Taako raises his sunglasses again when he sees two forms walk (and waddle) up to his cabana. He passes out the Mai Tai with all the toppings piled around the curly straw for Merle, and gestures the Bear Fight to Magnus. At the human’s confused look, he explains the two highball glasses and two shot glasses. “Drop the short ones into the tall ones, and knock ‘em back one after the other.”

Magnus does so. Like a _champ._ And a chump. He reaches for the umbrella once the alcohol hits, using the action of leaving the lame elevator emporium to lag behind and get within reach. He gets his hand swatted, and he glares at Merle for interfering.

Merle, for his part, takes a long, loud slurp of his Mai Tai and holds eye contact for longer than necessary.

Whatever. He can try again when they’re both distracted. Probably best that he frees Lup before Barry gets the idea of being the bad guy to take his lady lich wife back. Or something else that he can’t think up at the moment.

At the next intersection, Merle and Magnus can’t decide where to go, and Taako’s about to choose for them when Maggie holds out the umbrella and asks Lup which way they should go.

The umbrella jolts upwards faster than Magnus anticipated, and ends up looking like he smacked himself in the face with it. Taako can’t help it. He laughs. Merle’s chortles from beside him rumble out softly.

“Oh yeah?” Magnus asks, rubbing at his nose with a glower. He looks like he’s getting pretty worked up and ready for a brawl. “Then which way should we go then?”

Taako takes a look at the mediocre choices. “Probably the Maintenance Chamber.” If nothing else, all the stuff he learned just living on the Starblaster would help out if there is going to be another problem.

“Right!” Magnus says with a falsely chipper voice, and touches the other panel. “Buddy Bot it is!” Merle is outright laughing now as he steps through the opened door.

Taako rolls his eyes, and follows after them.

* * *

Taako takes one good look at the room they just entered, “Sonofabitch.” He mutters when the door closes behind them and the panel used to open the door dims. No way out that way.

He wonders if he has a few transfiguration stones on him to give the dumbos fire resistance.

The little robot in the middle of the room powers up, and Taako takes a step back to let the other two try their hand at these kiddie puzzles.

Then the little ‘Buddy Bot’ goes _Hal 9000_ on them and they’re dodging jets of flames. Merle apparently took forever to blink, and is just staring dumbfounded at the oncoming wall of fire. Magnus is passing in front of him, going the wrong way to avoid getting blasted, and Taako takes the opportunity to snatch the umbrella from his back.

He doesn’t even think about it. A flourish and a flick, and a bit of juice into the UmbraStaff. Another ball of fire joins the flames. And then-

The fire curls up into itself above their heads, glowing like the sun, and dropping like a fantasy wrecking ball onto the robot.

And it keeps going, Taako can see it digging out a perfectly cylindrical hole to the outer hull of the lab and fitzing out in a cloud of smoke. They’re actually pretty high up. Not as high as the moon base, but definitely lethal heights.

He grins down at his sister. Spell sculpting for the win! Now… Taako raises the umbrella over his knee to break it… and gets bodily tackled by Magnus, losing the damn umbrella in the ensuing tussle.

“I swear to every God, Goddess, and recipe book out there, Mags! If you don’t-”

 _“Don’t what?”_ Magnus demands, bristling like an overprotective bear with the umbrella held tightly to his chest. He gets thrown into a wall again.

Merle chuckles. “I’m so glad that’s not me anymore.” He says conversationally to the room in general.

And then Lucas chimes in from the pendant. _[Uh, not the way I had imagined it, but alright. I’ll reroute the power to the thrusters.]_ Taako peers over the edge to the hole, and he can watch the lake below grow more distant as they get a bit higher in the sky.

“Uh-uh-uh. Question to the voice in the rock?” Taako calls out, turning his attention to where Magnus is finally getting up from the floor.

_[Yes?]_

“If we had gone to the Maintenance Chamber, would there have been some _“unlikely”_ catastrophic event that we would have had to prevent so that you could get power to the thrusters? And what about the paths we haven’t been taking? I’m sure there’s stuff that’s draining power that could give us more time, but it’s pretty suspicious that there’s been a fight in every room we’ve gone to. You’re not trying to… well, _kill_ us. Are you?”

_[No? You guys went through the elevator museum, right? There shouldn’t have been anything dangerous there. And the garden should have been safe too- aside from the virulent crystal.]_

“Cool.” Taako says, the last in their merry group to continue their exploration of the labs. “Just so you know, my dude, I don’t tolerate liars well. But since you’re telling the truth, there’s nothing to worry about, right?”

 _[R-right.]_ The voice says nervously.

This fool is such a bad liar. Merle and Magnus trade silent glances with grim looks.

* * *

Taako’s paying more attention to the huge chunk of ice, working on thawing it so those Regulators can get through. Judging by the crunches and crashes and meaty thunks- wait, that last one wasn’t coming from the other side of the ice. Taako turns to see Magnus raise Railsplitter with a bloody blade from the stump of Merle’s arm. The robot is already working their sciency voodoo on the dwarf with their country slang thrown about. And the ice bursts at his back.

Taako tumbles forward under the shards of ice, and then leaping to the side to avoid becoming a shishkabob a la Taako. He ends up having to dodge a bunch more than some frozen water though.

“Woah! My compadres, chill with the stabby-stabby.” Taako says as he flips over a dagger going for his kidney. “I’m on your side.” He cartwheels around a barrage of arrows and darts. “Well, I’m trying to keep those doofuses from dying.” He says contemplatively as he gestures to Merle bitching about Maggie chopping off his arm. “That counts, right?”

Unsurprisingly, at least to Taako, they stop trying to kill him. Instead, they start freaking out about the bit that used to be Merle’s arm spreading out more pink crystal in the room, and that there’s more of that lame song starting up again. Like, Taako supposes it sounds okay, if he was into that kind of thing. Or maybe the Orc and Dragonborn were freaking out over Merle’s stump of an arm?

Taako joins the menagerie around the Dwarf as they all run into the medical bay, and chips in. “Man, that’s harsh. Better luck next time?” And it takes a moment for Taako to realize what was wrong with that statement. Taako would have popped up in the Starblaster when he kicked it a decade ago if there’s gonna be a next time. Which means there no next time. Now, how to save it without apologizing? “I meant that it sucks to be you right now?” Taako cringes. “Shutting up now.”

Lup manages to swing around in Magnus’s grip to thump him a good one, and he doesn’t complain.

Yeah, he deserved that.

* * *

Taako is **not** squeezing into that decontamination chamber… thing. Waaayyy too cramped for ol’ Taako.

Because of this, everyone but the two chucklefucks want him to stay where there’s no crystal. Even though he _said_ he would be fine, they (politely? Taako might have a skewed sense of politeness) shove him back into the room and lock the door when it whooshes shut.

Taako gives the door, and everyone beyond it, an unimpressed look. “Really?” He asks.

He gets as far as the ethereal plane, tracking down the group, and sees Magnus holding the Glutton’s Fork victoriously before he _NOPE’s_ the fuck out of there.

* * *

Taako ends up back on the moonbase, and he spots the kid snacking on his cookies under the Candlenights bush.

“Hey kiddo,” Taako calls once he’s corporeal. The little sneak jumps, and Taako spots little trinkets fall out of his tight grip. He helps the kid gather up his candlenights gifts again. He doesn’t make him come out from under the bush. Instead, he settles down just outside the wall of leaves. “What’s your favorite color?” He asks.

Taako can barely see those huge eyes blink between the leaves and branches. “Blue.” Is his answer, and Taako could have probably guessed from the blue frames of his glasses, blue sweater vest, blue newsboy cap, and blue fantasy laces on his shoes. But that’s not the point.

“Cool. Like blueberry blue? Bluebell blue?” He smiles, tilting his hat back a bit.

The kid shuffles. “There was a grey cat that had really pretty blue eyes.”

Taako nods encouragingly. “That kinda reminds me of baby blue eyes.” And he can see the straightness of the kid’s shoulders loosen.

“Babies have blue eyes?”

Taako shrugs a shoulder, letting the end of his scarf fall forward onto his lap. “Some do. Depends on how pigmented the skin is. The less pigment, the more likely the baby is gonna have blue eyes up to a couple months old. Otherwise they’ll have dark eyes and they’ll stay that way for the rest of their life.”

“Huh.” There’s a pause, and Taako waits it out with a patience he didn’t know he has. “What’s the pigment?”

“Dunno.” Taako grins. “Ninja?”

“That’s not a pigment, sir.” The kid shoots down his fun faster than Lup can a bit of driftwood.

“Ninon?”

“That’s a fabric.” Taako might have been seeing things, but he might have just spotted the hint of a smile.

“Ninny?”

“A simpleton.” Is the quick response. The kid’s getting into it.

“Laminin?”

The kid pauses. “I don’t know that one.” He admits, and Taako can see tension building up in that tiny frame.

Taako waves a hand dismissively. “It’s a protein in the grey-matter, among other things.”

“You remember Laminin and its natural function, but not the pigment, melanin?” The kid deadpans with eyebrows raised.

“I can’t do math all that well either.” Taako divulges. Then changes the topic before the dreaded _‘why?’_ makes an appearance. “So, what’s your favorite food?”

“Spaghetti and meatballs.” Taako gets up to head to the kitchen. “Why?”

Damnit.

He spins easily on his fashionable shoes. “I’m gonna make some bombass-stic spaghetti and meatballs. It’s fine if you want to keep hangin’ over there, I’ll bring you the best da-ang spaghetti and meatballs you’ve ever eaten. You’re also welcome to come watch Kitchen del Taako. And if you want to participate, well, I’d always appreciate a helper.”

Taako doesn’t even need to look back to see Boy Wonder is following after him.

“Name’s Taako, by the way.” He introduces as he magics the kitchen clean. Ugh, did Merle and Magnus ever do dishes?

“I’m Angus.” Taako checks what he’s got in his pocket dimension. Good, He’s got everything. “What do we need to do first?”

“Well, Angus, first we gotta wash our hands. Everything’s gonna get cooked, but no germs from the beginning is better than chancing them sticking around through the heat.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's shorter compared to last chapter, but it didn't exist this morning, so I'll count that a win on my part.
> 
> Buckle-up people and persons! We're about to experience Ruff Boi Magnus!

Taako still has a job as an emissary of the Goddess of Fate, so he doesn’t spend all his time following Merle and Magnus or sleuthing through the moonbase with Angus. Can’t even if he wanted to.

Still, teaching Angus how to cook, and then some simple magic tricks that evolve to more complicated spells. Watching and helping the kid actually develop gives him a feeling like an expanding balloon in his chest, and it’s warm. Then they goof off in the air ducts of the moonbase, explore places they’re probably not supposed to be, and generally spying on everyone as they collect information. There was one notable event where Carey came across them in the ventilation shafts, but it generally goes unmentioned since no one knows how the ceiling in the Artificer’s room fell in.

Taako also visited the Boner Squad every once in a while to save their tastebuds from the torture of instant mashed potatoes and canned casserole. And generally gain complete control of their kitchen.

Still, he can’t follow them at every moment, and Barry is more than willing to watch over them if they ever leave the moonbase. Taako is a bit hesitant to agree, and is glad those two haven’t been sent turfside recently. At least he doesn’t have to worry about them getting killed off while he sees to his other responsibilities.

“No.” Taako explains to the dunderhead who somehow managed to unearth the summoning ritual despite being agnostic. At least the idiot isn’t interrupting him like a megalomaniac. Taako hates those. “Cutting down the tree is bad news. Doesn’t matter if it’s obstructing the waterflow by infinitesimal amounts. Doesn’t matter that it’s fallen blossoms have started clogging streams and rivers down the line, raising the water level here. You called me for advice, and this is it. Besides, if you cut it down, Pan’s gonna get angry with you.”

The guy splutters, and Taako doesn’t give a flying monkey’s ass. Then he calms down, and fidgets with the badge pinned over his heart. “I was actually more concerned with what I should do with the city as a whole?” He asks, and Taako sighs.

“Don’t. Be. A. Dick.” Taako says like one would try to explain something to a small, slow child. He leans back from looming over the short guy. “Stick with what you’re doing. Clean up internal matters, maybe legalize the racing circuits I’ve heard about, don’t be a dick. You and Goldcliff will be fine.”

The guy is still fidgeting with the golden badge, and Taako sighs internally. Right. Comfort thing.

He rests a hand on the guy’s shoulder. “You’re all going to be fine.” Taako goes for his most comforting smile, one that Kravitz helped him create one night over a game of Mixed Pickles. “Listen to your people. All of them, not just the rich. Have each other’s backs, and you’ll all be fine.”

That’s about as much as Taako can do, so he gets the hell out of there right after.

* * *

“You know,” Taako says blithely, “if I didn’t know you two better than you know yourselves, I might actually be concerned.”

Magnus watches him suspiciously with a hand held tightly around the handle of the umbrella. Taako has already tried getting his sister free, and he's just decided waiting until everyone's asleep is his best bet. Merle is the one to respond. “Oh? You know us that well?”

Taako shrugs. He hadn’t realized they had been sent off until he was catching up with Istus, and she brought him along to see them rushing into a magically repaired church. She had given those two gifts, and asked him to go with them to smooth the way a bit. He shrugged, better than having to deal with pointless people and then Barry wouldn’t come out to be creepy and ruin all the headway he’s made with them.

Time had reset, and Taako bullshitted his way past the strange earth elemental combined with the bird. The gobsmacked looks he got for it was a bit of a toss-up between annoyance and amusement. Yes, he is very good with useless niceties, perfected over the last decade he could use it to cut someone open if he so desired, not that Istus appreciated it the one time he succeeded.

When the silence continues, Merle forges forward. Figures the Dwarf would be good at that. “Well, what about you? You haven’t really talked about yourself.”

“Well,” Taako is very glad he is leading them to the sheriff’s office. It means they can’t see his face. “I used to be an elf, either died from the slit throat or the poison on the blade, I was a bit preoccupied by trying to keep my… sibling from falling apart. I wrote a book full of inspirational quotes a couple decades back? Had a huge following in the kids going for a higher education. I know how to surf- spent a year on a beach just enjoying the tides. I traveled a lot for a while with,” Taako clears his throat, “with some good people. We got separated, I mean, I _died_ , so everyone else thought I was gone.”

Taako looks back with as cheery and chipper a look as he can muster. Channel Magnus with a dog. Channel Magnus with a dog. Merle and Magnus are a bit more somber, but Taako ain’t letting that faze him. Nope! He’s gonna steer the topic away from this downer drain drum. “I give advice to those who ask Istus for guidance these days, and that’s about it.” Another pause, and Taako lights up as he adds one more thing.

“Oh yeah, and I’m dating the Grim Reaper.”

Taako cackles from a safe distance as his sister rages inside the umbrella, and Magnus trying to wrangle the flame-spewing magic-eater.

It’s quite a show, even some of the townspeople are out watching. Merle sidles next to him. “So where next then?”

“No clue!” Taako says with an exaggerated preppy tone. He’s got an idea, but it’s not his job to tell these two what to do.

“But you’re an emissary of Istus? Shouldn’t you know what happens next?” Merle says, and it’s almost biting. Taako ignores the tone and the ache somewhere in his chest. He’s dead, shouldn’t he be done with physical sensations like this?

“You’d think that, but you’re wrong in this case. Can’t see my own future.” He answers levelly. “You two are a bit unbalanced as a team, so I figure my job is to fill in the gaps while I’m still around.”

Merle doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t move away. Which is about as much as Taako can hope for at this point.

He’s gotta find that other voidfish and bring the people he knows back, but in the meantime, he can enjoy getting to know them again.

* * *

Taako watches this time-sick town recover, and he watches these people cut off from the rest of the world fight and reconcile and rebuild and grow. He allows himself to be pulled into the crowd with the others, smiling down at the children, and creating little things to watch their eyes widen in awe. He speaks quietly with the owner of the Davey Lamp, trading recipes and spells with the same breath.

And he spots the box that June hands Magnus, but he doesn’t interfere. He kinda has to get out of here before the cannon dude realizes there’s one more person than there should be.

He finds a quiet spot, and heads back to knit something with Istus. He needs to recharge before he does anything else.

* * *

Magnus hides the box until late that night. He doesn’t want the Director to get suspicious of another thing. She had already grilled them about the Taako guy both today and after they had returned with news that Lucas was dead and a new robot buddy in tow. He doesn’t really understand why she’s so concerned, Taako is alright as long as he’s not trying to break his umbrella buddy, and she didn’t explain why she reacted that way.

He doesn’t want this box taken away before he can get a look at it. Something’s wrong, and he’ll figure out what eventually.

Magnus just hopes that the Bureau isn’t secretly evil.

He’d hate to fight against these people. They’re nice.

He opens the box, and there’s plans for the statue in Refuge, but… the Red Robe has their hood down, and- he can’t-- he can’t think.

The fighter has to look away, and his eyes catch on his most recent carving. A duck. Maybe the Voidfish can help his make things make sense. Their song always settled him before, hopefully it’ll help him figure out what he’s missing.

The umbrella makes a clatter as soon as he moves to leave, and he shushes it hastily. There’s not really doors in this new living space, and if he can hear Merle shifting in his sleep, then the Dwarf can hear the umbrella. “Sure, fine! You can come too!” He whispers, and settles the umbrella onto his back. It doesn’t move or make a sound, but he gets the sensation that its smug in its victory.

The moonbase is quiet and void of anyone as he makes his way down to the Voidfish’s chambers. It glows a bit brighter in its tank, and he greets back quietly, “Hey buddy.”

There’s no one else there to see him pace back and forth, speaking out loud, trying to get his head in the game. It’s just not happening though.

The Voidfish is glittering and sparkling, and it flashes lights at him when he turns to look at it. A long tendril drifts upwards to the top of the tank, where the glass stops and the ichor is open to the air.

“You want me to get in there?” He asks, already climbing up the ladder. The Voidfish flashes again, and he’ll take that as an affirmative.

He jumps in, and he finds himself encircled by the Voidfish’s tendrils. One of them reaches out to touch his temple, and he can’t understand what he’s seeing. Static?

Again and again, the Voidfish tries, until he sees twelve circles of different colors orbiting around each other. How a white light leaves just before another circle, a huge black circle, comes to cover over the twelve circles of color, then chasing after the white light.

Magnus doesn’t understand what this vision means. He asks questions when he goes up for air, and the Voidfish is obviously trying. It shows him visions, it sings. He blinks. He knows a little bit about music just from being down here so often with Johan always willing to teach another of his mastery.

_E-G-G? B-A-B-E?_

“You have a baby?” He asks, and the Voidfish practically screams, wrapping their tendrils around him as he goes under for confirmation. He’ll take that as a happy scream then.

And then he sees the Voidfish jerk away from the umbrella still strapped to his back, and he’s too slow in the water to prevent a tendril from touching the handle. He relaxes when nothing happens.

And then the Voidfish is touching his head again, and even though he’s underwater, and he’s pretty sure he’s not actually hearing anything with his ears, he gets blasted with sound that rattles his teeth.

**_"GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE- AND NEXT TIME LISTEN TO TAAKO HE OCCASIONALLY KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT"_ **

Magnus, out of air, has to resurface again. But the first thing he does after gripping the edge of the tank is break the umbrella between his arm and knee.

It’s like a bomb going off in his hands, but the fire streams around him and up into the air to reform into a hooded figure, just like the one from Bane’s office.

A Red Robe.

A Red Robe that’s been helping him and Merle get through tough spots since the beginning.

He can’t actually make out a form other than the red robe flowing in a nonexistent wind, but he can tell that this Red Robe is grinning.

And then an alarm goes off.

“Oh shit.” The Red Robe says, and Magnus feels himself being lifted from the tank and gently replaced on the floor in the middle of the room. “Time to go Maggie!” She shouts as the door bursts open and a stream of guards enter with weapons drawn. “You’re not gonna like what happens if you get caught like Pringles did!”

The Red Robe does something to open a path out in the crowd, and Magnus rushes in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> __  
> **BET YOU GUYS DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING!!**  
>   
>   
> 
> Only two more chapters left I think.


	8. Chapter 8

Lucretia startles in her chair when the alarm goes off. The wineglass on the table next to her arm goes wide, and all she can think is that Barry is back and is trying to get to the baby voidfish. Davenport is already out the door in response to the alarm, but she doesn’t have time for that. She rises to her feet, and reaches behind the chair for the Bulwark Staff. She has to set up a barrier- she has to-

She feels something smooth and hard where her staff once was. She can automatically tell that what is in her hand _is not_ the Bulwark Staff.

Lucretia looks back, and there is a golem made of ivory in her grip. It is tall on pointed feet, and there is a poorly made scarf that is probably too long to be reasonable. It’s holding the glass she had sent flying, and it looks like not a single drop of red wine was spilled.  And it wears a pointed hat- made of ivory.

The design of the hat turns something in the pit of her stomach and lifts her lungs, but the voice that comes from that flat, nondescript face is all the evidence she needs. She has heard it over the stone of farspeech, but there was always some shred of doubt that kept her on the edge of falling into something abstract that she can’t really describe.

“Hey there Lucy-Lu.” That frosty joviality had never been turned on her before, and she feels a shiver run up her spine in response. Taako snaps his fingers of the hand she isn’t holding, and she can sense the barrier forming around them. “It’s about time to have a little chat, don’t you agree?”

* * *

Merle is chilling out on the pavilion, counting the stars when the sirens start blaring out and leaving his head ringing in the time between. He has been out there long enough for the cold to settle deep inside his bones.

But he jolts into movement when the alarm goes off. He’s on his feet faster than he could think about it, and is already at the elevator to-

What is he doing again?

Merle takes a few steps back, away from the elevator doors, to stop and think about how-

Think about what?

It feels like his hamster is at the wheel, but something’s jamming the gears.

And that stuttering cycle of thought was broken by the elevator doors opening. Or rather, the clown magic trick of how they should not have fit in that tiny elevator. The guards come flowing out, one after the other, and they make a tight crowd around the other elevator- that, judging by the little blinking arrow- is coming up. Merle is just outside the crowd, ignored. But he’s used to it.

He’s kinda curious though, because the alarm is still going off, and whatever the cause is coming up that other elevator.

It’s a tense few moments, watching the guards watching the elevator door. Merle’s about to turn away when he hears the _ding_ and the doors sliding open. There’s another pause, but Merle can sense the incredulity in this one.

And then the ground starts rumbling.

And shaking, and Merle manages to keep on his feet while the other guards fall. And he can see the elevator is empty.

And then the ground in the middle of the grassy pavilion directly behind him splits open. Merle turns just in time to see the well-groomed grassy lawn burst upwards not dissimilarly to how it happened again and again in Refuge.

Bright red light shoots upwards and outwards through the falling debris, encircling everyone in a wreath of flames.

Merle scuttles back, holding his wooden arm close to his chest and away from the fire licking towards him. The fire around him opens up to a larger area, and he takes the escape, even if it does bring him closer to the hole in the moonbase.

There’s shouting from the guards, barking and loud. There’s also the panicked cries of the other BoB members caught unawares a little further away. And then he swears he hears Magnus and Taako bickering back and forth ahead of him.

He spots Magnus pulling himself over the edge of the hole in the moonbase, but that certainly isn’t Taako.

It’s a Red Robe.

Said Red Robe turns it’s empty cowl towards him, and he gets the impression that whoever they are, they’re grinning at him. And it’s not a cruel or evil grin, it’s a happy one. For some reason, Merle’s shoulders relax from their hunched position near his ears. The fire is farther away here, and he doesn’t have to worry about a stray flame catching his prosthetic on fire.

“Nice balance you got there.” The Red Robe comments, and yeah, this is definitely a different Red Robe than the one that’s been helping them out. This one sounds like a woman, the other sounded like a guy. She also sounds like Taako does when he’s being sarcastic or giving out backhanded compliments. Merle rolls his eyes at the comment, but lets it slide. “Now, I think it’s time to blow up this popsicle stand, right?”

Magnus is upright, and Merle can spot both of their travel packs on his back. Magnus frowns. “No. We’ve already caused a lot of damage just getting out here. This is plenty. No more blowing things up.”

If Merle doesn’t know any better, he’d think they were friends. Wait a second… Where did the umbrella go? Magnus wouldn’t leave it behind for anything. He is about to ask when the Red Robe’s entire form jerks, and shouts. “Right! Time’s up! Let’s **go** !” And magically _shoves_ both Merle and Magnus across the pavillion of the moonbase and over the edge.

At least she cast _ Feather Fall _ on them afterwards.

* * *

Barry waits as patiently as he could at the train station in Rockport.

The _closed_ train station in Rockport.

That’s been closed for four hours.

Barry’s been _waiting for five. hours._

There’s clouds above, thick and heavy with rain. Barry is hiding just out of the light shining from the street lamps, using the refraction to read a book. For the third time. He’s have gone back to his cave if Taako didn’t have the precognitive ability -or something close- to arrive the moment he’s gone.

When Taako had said to meet him there that day. Barry had expected maybe a half hour wait, because Taako is all about fashion, and that includes being fashionably late, coming from the source himself. But this is getting ridiculous.

Still, he’s got to stay, or waiting for five -a clock tower chimes out from across town- make that six hours. Anyway, leaving now would waste all the time he’s spent waiting around.

Barry would have blinked if he has eyes or a corporeal form. Did he just hear something?

 

> “I’m just saying, you could have mentioned you were going down to see the stupid fish.”

Yeah. He’s hearing something. But where is it coming from?

 

> “Right, because I’d definitely tell you about all my secrets and all my actions for every second of every day.”

Above?

Barry looks up, and he feels his magical form shiver from bottom to top. Barry looks up into the clouds. He sees Magnus bickering with Merle, waving arms and bad impressions included.

And he sees Lup.

His book falls to the cobblestone ground as he rockets himself upwards and into Lup.

She’s giggling and grinning, and he can’t help but join in.

“Uhhhhhh…” Barry looks down to see Magnus and Merle staring at them. Right. Right. Okay.

Barry pulls away a little. “Right, sorry about that. What’s the plan?”

“Not get captured.” Is Lup’s fast response. Right. Simple is usually the best when shit hits the fan.

“And?” He could always hope that that was only the first step in the plan instead of the whole thing.

“And wing it, homie.”

Barry spins in the air with Lup to shouts of _“Taako!”_ He’s looking like himself this time with that enormous scarf instead of his other form, which is good. He doesn’t think Lup would react well to Taako’s other form. Probably with either an explosion or mass property damage.

Barry groans, and turns pleading eyes to the sky. “Can we try this one time to not fly by the seat of our blue jeans?”

There’s a moment of silence that he knows the twins are using to communicate. “No.” Is their unanimous decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That first bit got shortened a lot since it didn't fit, but I put that whole scene on my [tumblr](http://sariau-write.tumblr.com/post/167705215270/an-extra-string-to-bow-chapter-8-bit).
> 
> So that part where Merle stays standing while the guards fall to the ground? Yeah. Merle rolled a natural 20. I debated if this was out of character, but figured it could stay in.
> 
> Apologies for the delay, Homestuck finally caught me.
> 
> One more chapter! And I have no clue what is going to happen! except for maybe the epilogue. If you want something to show up next chapter, go ahead an let me know, and I'll do my best!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and Gents and Assorted Non-Binaries!
> 
> Allow me to welcome you to the final chapter!  
> And I'd like to credit [ShikiMagica](archiveofourown.org/users/ShikiMagica/pseuds/ShikiMagica) for really helping me out. There wasn't much of a plan for this chapter, and she brought this fic to many fun twists and turns! So make sure to give her all the praise.
> 
> You'll find the epilogues at the bottom, and very much enjoyable!

“Will you stop speaking in static please!” Magnus demands. Wooo-boi, he looks frustrated.

“Honey. Sugar. My Boi.” Taako squishes Magnus’s face, and it is hilarious. “We’re not speaking in static. You’re just getting your thoughts eaten. Chill.”

“KoKo, you know that doesn’t help, right?” Lup contributes, floating just like he is, and enjoying the show of the explosion that is Magnus Hyphen Terry Burnsides.

Taako tilts his head to the side to admire the show from a new angle. If Lup was anymore physical, they would have bumped heads just then.  “He needs to get it out of his system. He’ll be fine.”

Merle leans against the lowest part of his body, which in this case is his hip. Fuck gravity. Taako casts  _Levitate_ . Merle yelps, flailing in the air, and reaching for something to get him upright. Which ends up being his scarf. Taako _hurrks_ at the yank, and pouts at his twin for laughing at him. Lazily spinning in the air from the pull.

Just wait until he gets her back.

“Can he at least not ruin my equipment? It’s bad enough that I had to go against that Deals Warlock to get it. If I have to fix the damn thing, I might have to shave Magnus bald.” Barry comments, and Magnus freezes.

The human takes a deep breath, those big beefy muscles relaxing. “Right! So, what are we doing next?”

“Getting you two inoculated would be the next logical step, but _someone_ didn’t take the opportunity-”

Taako cuts Lup off. “I’ve fell out of the habit of looting everything to the bedrock three decades ago. Give me a break!” He flings his hands into the air, and since he’s mostly upside down, it means his hands brush against the stalactites nested into the ceiling of Barry’s cave. “It’ll work out, don’t worry about it!”

“And how do you know that?” Lup snaps back, and Taako handwaves back at her. “No, seriously. Share with the rest of the class. I’m _dying_ here.”

Taako frowned, and looked away. He isn’t going to get into this right now. He probably wouldn’t ever be ready to

A cough came from the entrance of the cave, and Taako gets yanked around again by his scarf. He gets the sudden feeling of being a balloon with the string tied around his neck. “Fuck Magnus! Let go!” He scrabbles for traction, getting his arm caught in the complex knots of his scarf. At least it gets his feet below him, and in range of Maggie’s head.

“Ow! Hey! I’m trying to help!” Magnus ducks his pointy heels, but Taako plants them on the human’s shoulders and pushes.

“You’re trying to pop my head off! Let go!”

Magnus laughs, and tugs him along. “Yeah right.”

_Pop!_

There’s a pause of incredulity, where the head separates from the body and the body falls. It hits the ground a bit faster than the scarf limp in Magnus’s hands, and it falls apart like Taako’s body is held together with sparkles and glitter.

There is actually glitter and sparkles flaking away from Taako’s body. That would be the illusion he put up falling apart then. Damn. Taako clears his throat, like he has one, and starts complaining. “See? I told you! But do you listen? _NoooooOOOoooo!”_

Taako doesn’t try to look at the ivory splayed out below him. Instead, he huffs. “Really, I think I’d know my anatomy better than you.” He wiggles his eyebrows at the human, and laughs when Magnus splutters. “Anyway. It’s been fun Trick or Treating as the Horseless Headsman, but I like the older model more.” Taako summons up the ivory, and is in the process of piecing himself back together when he hears the kid.

“Sir?” Oh shit. And he sounds worried too. “What?”

“Hey there little man!” He calls. Fuck if this could take any longer? It’s not like scaring the crap out of Angus is on his agenda today! “Don’t worry about this. I used to fall to pieces all the time. Hey, be a sport and thwap Magnus for me? Or light him on fire. Either or.”

“On it!” Lup volunteers all too happily, and that’s... not good. Looks like Maggie is going to be bald after all.

“So!” Taako says, back in one piece, clapping his illusioned hands together. A charbroiled Magnus is sitting off to the side, being lectured by a suddenly verbose Davenport. “What trouble have you gotten yourself into this time?”

Angus ducks his head, fiddling with the brim of his fancy boy cap, and then straightening with a puffed out chest. “The best kind!” He says with a gapped-tooth grin. Since when did his boy lose a tooth?

Taako nods seriously, and runs his hand through the kiddo’s hair. It desperately needs a combing. He’ll deal with handling the tangles with his fingers for now. “Good.”

* * *

Angus McDonald didn’t like to brag. It’s just something that his grandpa had said was a bad thing to do, and his grandpa knew these things. But stating truths should be okay, right? Anyway, Angus didn’t like to brag, but he’s pretty smart.

So after Candlenights, he might have snooped a bit. He even got Carey to help out. Not in an underhanded way or anything! He just asked her if she had done anything to that day’s community pot of coffee. Nothing had happened to the coffee pot that day… but something _did_ happen a few days later. Carey cackled and crowed her achievement to anyone not stuck waiting in line for a toilet.

And Angus _might_ have taken advantage of the distraction to peek around the Director’s office. Taako had alluded to some rather suspicious things when they had been cooking, and it seemed to revolve around the Red Robes, and the Director.

So he snooped, and eventually found himself past all the protections and in a smaller back office.

And there was a tank that gave him the same feeling as the voidfish before he was inoculated. There was a large wine glass on the desk, so he used it to take a sip.

Blegh…

Somehow, Agnus forgot how disgusting that stuff tasted.

He turned back to the small tank to see the small voidfish floating aimlessly inside.

Um?

Admittedly, Angus hadn’t thought this through all that well. He had to wonder though, just what was this voidfish hiding? He didn’t get any new/old memories after drinking the ichor.

He could take the baby voidfish, but what would he do with it? Angus didn’t think he could feed it enough like Johann has to for the bigger voidfish. And what if the Director notices it missing? Should he just take a wine glass full of the ichor and try again some other time?

Angus bit at his tongue. He knew he shouldn’t, but it helped him focus. Think. Think!

What would Grandpa do?

Not be in this situation, obviously. He’d have gone at this from another angle that would have gotten everyone to confess to everything they had done wrong in the last year.

What would Taako do? Angus shook his head before he went too far down that tangent.

Angus sighed, and took out his waterskin. A fancy boy had to stay hydrated! “Sorry buddy.” He whispered to the voidfish, and traded the water in his waterskin for the ichor. “I’ll see if I can come get you later.”

He returned the waterskin to his bag, and carefully made his way back to the hallway. Pheww. Made it.

His bag felt so heavy as he made his way back to his room.

Okay. He has voidfish ichor. Now he has to use it.

Just… not right away.

Two weeks later, Angus is burying his face in one of his Caleb Cleveland novels. Very studiously not paying any attention to the adults wandering to the communal coffee pot like the undead.

Nope. He’s not paying much attention to whether or not someone has a reaction at all!

He knows Robbie would know something, but he can’t get past the guards without tipping them off to ask him.

So who else? He is pretty sure there is one person who will benefit from drinking the spiked ichor coffee. Luckily, the communal coffee is terribly strong, and hides the fact he dumped the entire contents of his waterskin into the percolator.

Speak of the Gnome. Davenport shuffles his way to the pot, pouring himself a cup, and adding cream and sugar before taking a large gulp. Angus tries his best to watch carefully while not looking like he is, and he knows he hit the jackpot when Davenport freezes.

There’s not a lot of other in the room, mostly more adults looking to get their caffeine fix for the morning, so Angus is confident in tucking his book under his arm, and _accidentally_ knocking into Davenport. Apologizing, because he really is sorry for bumping into the gnome, and dragging him away from prying eyes is his first priority. There’s little chance that there is another on base that would have the same reaction that Davenport is having.

“What?” Is Davenport’s first word that Angus has heard that isn’t his name. “I. Lucretia!”

Angus nods, keeping an eye for anyone to show up. “Yes, sir. Could you tell me what the voidfish erased?”

Davenport does. And it’s a lot. Probably more than Angus is willing to believe except for the fact that there exists creatures that consume knowledge, and there are terribly powerful artifacts of arcane energy out there that lure in unsuspecting people, and then there was that thing that happened almost a year ago. Where the sky turned black, and eyes opened up in the abyss. That he didn’t remember until drinking the larger voidfish’s ichor.

Aliens. A creature hunting after an object of power that was divided in his home plane in order to hide. It sounds like a fantasy fiction novel, but it’s true. Davenport stutters his way through from the start, and Angus listens to the end.

“Alright.” He says, honest, serious, believing, and Davenport slumps. Whether in relief or from exhaustion, Angus doesn’t know. He would offer his waterskin, but its empty. And he doesn’t want to use this one again, since its got residual ichor in it, and that tastes gross. “So what is the plan?”

Angus isn’t a braggart. That reveals too much too soon if he isn’t careful.  And he is learning neither is Davenport.

* * *

Angus is up and out of his bed the moment the moonbase shakes. His wand is in his hand, and he notices that he is gripping it wrong again in his haste. He corrects the grip, and waits a beat for something to happen.

There’s another crash, and some frightened screaming, but this isn’t anything like Davenport had described of the Hunger coming for the Light of Creation. Then he realizes that it’s too soon. The Hunger won’t come for a few more weeks. So what is happening?

His stone of farspeech glows on his night stand, and he trips over a stack of tomes getting there. He reaches from the ground, rubbing at his mouth. That hurt a lot. He runs his tongue over his teeth, and one of them is loose. Sweet! “Hello?”

 _[Davenport.]_ Oh.

Okay then.

Time to get off the moonbase then.

“I’ll be ready in thirty minutes.” He says into the stone, already rolling up his clothes so it can all fit in his bag. “You still haven’t told me how we’re doing this. Please tell me we’re not jumping.”

 _[Davenport!]_ Agnus doesn’t curse, but it is a close thing. Davenport sounds way too amused for it to not be something too far off.

“Pavilion?” He asks, double checking just in case.

 _[Davenport!]_ That’s a yes then.

They’re actually doing this.

Angus would like to get off this ride, please.

* * *

“So it wasn’t so hard tracking you guys down with the Starblaster tracking the Light of Creation. Especially since you seem to have most of it.” Angus peers around, and Taako withholds the urge to coo. Such a sweet boy. “Uh. But I don’t see it?”

Taako reaches into his scarf pocket, pulling out a few odds and ends before finding something long and smooth. “Aha!” Taako retrieves the Bulwark Staff from his pocket dimension. He twirls it in his hands before leaning his weight against it. “I’ve got it, kiddo. Good thinking, using the Starblaster. Did you figure out where the last bit is?”

Angus shrugs, glancing at a slowly shrinking Magnus under Davenport’s withering stare. “Somewhere in the Astral Plane?”

Taako smiles. “Yeah. Thereabouts. I handed it over to the Raven Queen a while ago.” Taako knows he is the cat that got the cream and all the canaries. He is very smug about it.

The reactions he gets from that is almost better than Kravitz’s reaction to him on their first date.

Almost. Krav is going to top every time. No exceptions.

Taako snaps back from his musings by his twin. “KoKo, get your head out of the gutter, we got shit to do.” Taako watches Lup float to the gathering of people around the tiny desk and map further into the cave. “So how are we going to get the Animus Bell back?”

Taako rolls his eyes. “I could just ask for it back?” It is like they forgot that he is literally dating the Grim Reaper. Oh wait. Did he ever mention that? “I’m pretty sure my boyfriend can bring it over here when he has the chance.”

Barry sighs tiredly, like he is very much done with this conversation before it even starts. “Taako.” Man, Barrold sounds really tired. He’d be worried that the dude would topple over from starvation if he isn’t already dead. “Taako. Krav is the embodiment of death. He is probably too busy to ferry something you can just pop in and bring back yourself.”

Silence falls again, and Taako is just inwardly whining about doing more work than he has to. Then Lup explodes.

A little bit.

**_“YOU’RE DATING THE GRIM REAPER?!?”_ **

Yeah… “I’m gonna go step out to make a few calls.” Taako says. Let everyone else deal with a kinkshaming sister. “You guys figure out what we’re gonna do while i do the thing. And maybe inoculate Merle and Magnus too.” He absconds the fuck out of this situation.

* * *

Taako leans into Kravitz’s side, and watches the mayhem that is his family unfold from the sidelines. Merle and Magnus have finished remembering, and are just pointing out one thing after another.

“And you know Elvish!”

“I know! And you actually can carve something other than ducks!”

“Yeah!”

Meanwhile the others are bickering back and forth about plans like they’re planning back on the fancy spaceship.

“Okay, but we’re not going to be leaving. If we were gonna to be getting out of this, Taako wouldn’t be here.” Taako gets a few looks for that, and he waves his fingers all delicate and fancy for them.

“Sis has a point. I would have woken up on the Starblaster, and not getting my head almost chopped off.” Taako feels Kravitz shift, and he grins up at him. “Nah, you’re good, Handsome.” Kravitz returns a smile, and Taako feels gooey inside like a donut with cream filling. He really has gone soft.

“Anyway.” Taako says, turning back to the topic at hand. “I think we could use Lucretia’s plan.” There are complaints, but Taako doesn’t let them derail him. “ _If_ we tweak it a bit. Like, bear with me here, what if we trap the Hunger in its own bubble?”

“Huh.” Lup says. Actually stopping and thinking about it.

“Yeah.” Davenport stares at the far wall of the cave.

“That would work.” Barry admits, like he should be embarrassed for not coming up with the idea first. Taako is almost insulted. He’s definitely miffed, for sure. “Lucretia’s spell cuts off the plane’s bonds, and subsequently dies.”

“I’d just like to give John one more chance.” Merle says, shrugging the shoulder that isn’t a stump with a tree hand attached.

“So that’s the plan? Convince Lucretia to make a bubble around the Hunger? That’s it?” Magnus asks, vibrating in his seat, and stilling when Davenport levels his gaze on him.

“And preparing this planar system for what is to come.” Their captain adds, glancing at the baby voidfish floating over his shoulder. Magnus had instantly named it Junior upon seeing it. “And I think this little guy is willing to help us out, right?”

Junior lights up, and hums a few notes. Taako doesn’t mention that Junior is spelling something with its notes. He doesn’t need to. Just about everyone in the cave has some history with music.

D-A-D

Magnus starts crying, like usual.

“Can Junior actually do that though?” Angus asks. Taako still hasn’t forgotten that the kid is down a tooth, and he’s going to get that story at some point. “Broadcast things? I haven’t seen either voidfish do that.”

“Good point.” Davenport looks back at Junior with an eyebrow raised. “Can you?”

Junior hums some more, lighting up a little, but it doesn’t sound hopeful.

“Fisher can show him!” Magnus says, and Taako wishes he has that kind of optimism. Because if Junior can’t spread the word, he knows what the alternative is.

Taako hopes for Magnus’s sake that it doesn’t come to that.

Wait. That flash of Johann’s future he glimpsed a while back. He grins. “That looks like a sound plan, compadre!” He chirps with a thumbs up in the dude’s direction.

“Oh, so your future-vision works now?” Merle asks. “Right when we don’t really need it anymore?”

“I’m not your babysitter, Merle. Besides free will is a thing.” Taako still tries to give it a shot to look into his family’s futures, but nope. Still nada. “Also, I’ve got a blockout for everybody in the cave. And Lucretia.” He’s not going to admit to the reasons why. No siree! Taako is very much not doing the gushy feelings thing tonight. Maybe next millennium, a century at the earliest. Taako’s booked until then.

Barry waits a moment in the pause where no one else adds something to the plan. “Right. So that’s it? Some of us head up to the moonbase, split between convincing Lucretia and bringing Junior to Fisher, and the rest of us is going to spread the word that an all consuming plane is coming?”

Everyone nods along. Davenport coughs that boss cough that draws everyone’s attention, and damn if it works so well. “Right. Start gearing up. This is it.”

* * *

**Epilogue 1:**

“So, uh, sorry to interrupt.” Kravitz ducks his head a little, not like it does much at his height. Taako thinks it’s cute, so he won’t mention it. Barry and Lup look up from the map sprawled over the table. There are dark circles where the glassings from Lup’s Relic have taken their toll, and they’re trying to decide which would be the best battleground to face the Hunger. Lup is going for the one way out in the ocean so there’s little collateral damage, but Barry is trying to convince her that some people can’t swim, and it would be bad if they kept falling off and drowning. Drowning is bad. And annoying. He tries to suggest the large field outside of Neverwinter. Lup counters with the Felicity Wilds. So on and so forth.

“Yes?” Lup, for all her magic blobness, still manages to put sass in her facial expression.

“You understand that you are a lich, right? And I have a job as a Reaper to bring you in, right?” Kravitz is showing the same resignation he first had when Taako first met him. How nostalgic.

“But Barry is cool?” Lup clarifies by waving an arm blob of magic at Barry, just to be sure.

“Sil-” Barry is suddenly waving magic blobby arms too. Taako blinks at him before glancing up at Kravitz. His boyfriend doesn’t notice whatever Barry is warning him off from. “-dar Hallwinter has already been granted clemency on the condition of being contracted for his experience.”

A beat.

Two.

Oooooh yeah. Taako forgot he was going to see if Lup knew that Barry wasn’t Barry’s name.

Lup turns to Barry. “Your name is Sildar Hallwinter?”

A very loud and unnecessary glup from Barry. “Yes?”

Lup faces Kravitz, and Taako has a feeling that his boyfriend should start running mmmmmm- yesterday. “I’ve been guessing his name for _more than five decades and_ **_you decide to just up out of nowhere t͔͔̺ͣ̐̄o͖͚̜̘̬͔̪̾̅͂̅ͯ̈́̆ ͔͕ͯ̈ͬͫs͍̭͔͉̽̓ͭͫͯͅp̠̺̣̘̲̟̠͗̋͒ͣö͖͉̲́̋i̦͔̻͉͙͓͑l͓̗͕͙͍̪̯͉̅̾ͨ͊ ̰̙̮̳̜̖̠͑͛͌̐̐m̫̰̼̝ͫͬͨͨ̃͑y̺̘̳ͯ̿͂͌ ͎͋̃ͨ̄f̲̦̤̱̞͙͚̦ͪ̀u͔̖̱ͭ́ͮ̽̈́n͔͍̮ͦ?”_ **

“Yeah. Krav? I’m gonna suggest you run now.” Taako says calmly, like advising someone to be very still and quiet with a predator nearby.

Kravitz runs.

Taako watches Lup chase after him with a few fireballs circling around her. “We’re still good for the plan without them right?” He asks.

Barry is already back to his map. “Yup.”

“Oh good.”

* * *

####  **Epilogue 2:**

Taako leads them out of the swirly vortex from the ethereal plane right out into Lucretia’s office. Merle and Davenport follow closely afterwards, and by the time they have their bearings back, they are almost surprised to see Taako and Lucretia drinking from large glasses on a cabana in the middle of the room.

“So yeah, they agree, and you agree, but I’m not giving up the Light until we’re heading for the Hunger. Deal?”

“Did someone say _deeeeaaaaaalllll_?” Causes them all to jump, and turn to see a fifth chair added to the cabana. It’s not wicker like the other four.

It is, in fact, an office chair. With armrests and lumbar support. Garfield isn’t even sitting in it, just standing on the edge for whatever reason the deals warlock has. There’s a red solo cup in his grip, and the smell travels.

His drink smells like gummy bears?

Taako raises an eyebrow. “Garfield, I take it?”

“That’s me! Garfield! The Deals Warlock!”

Taako nods. “Right. Do me a favor?”

Garfield leans so far forward he should have fallen off his chair, or at least made it swivel. It remains stationary. “Hmmmm?”

Merle and Davenport gather their own drinks, and sit down. Poor fellas. Taako already handled convincing Lucretia. He just didn’t want to steal their thunder of all that focused planning. At least this is a nice enough distraction to keep them from yelling at them.

“Could you hold that thought? I’m interested in a few of your wares, but I’ve got to finish this first.” Specifically that one book and the Slicer of T'pire Wire Isles, and then the Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword Of Doom.

‘Cha boi has to ride in style after all.

“Surrrrrre!” Garfield all but purred. “Anything for a paying customer!” And then he vanishes in a plume of smoke that whips around like a curtain to reveal nothing there.

Warlocks. Taako is never going to understand them. He turns back to the others, stylishly posing in his chair with his drink in hand 

“So, as I was saying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who stuck with this to the end! And the people who commented! And the people who subscribed and bookmarked! This has seriously been a lot of fun, and I hope you all enjoyed yourselves as much as I did!

**Author's Note:**

> If anybody wants to doodle an ivory golem Taako in knitwear, feel free! It's gonna get a bunch more showtime on this fic. I will lavish affection as much as boundaries allow!!
> 
> **CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!!!![Basil](https://mobile.twitter.com/LiteralBasil) DREW [THIS](https://twitter.com/LiteralBasil/status/917201139719921664), AND THIS IS AMAZING!!!! IT IS GOING ON ISTUS’S FRIDGE #Istus4mom**
> 
>  
> 
> **[HYST](http://hysterical-random-things.tumblr.com/) DOES ART MAGIC! LOOK AS WHAT HE [DID](http://hysterical-random-things.tumblr.com/post/167536086066/fanart-of-ivory-golem-taako-for-the-wonderful)!!! I'M SO PROUD AND SO HAPPY!!!**
> 
>  
> 
> **I've got a tumblr! Come bug me over[there](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sariau-write)!**


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